It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
I don't smoke and I don't drink alcohol.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Don't trust a brilliant idea unless it survives the hangover.
I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
I don't trust people who don't use profanity.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.
Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean...Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.
Don't trust people who don't laugh. I don't.
If you don't know where you're going any road will do
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
It's like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don't know where your going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It's like the throw of the dice.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
I began to think vodka was my drink at last. It didn’t taste like anything, but it went straight down into my stomach like a sword swallowers’ sword and made me feel powerful and godlike.
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