I look into eyes, shake their hand, pat their back, and wish them luck, but I am thinking, I am going to bury you.
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.
To quit between tee and green is more habit-forming than drinking a highball before breakfast.
Got more dirt than ball. Here we go again.
Golf is a spiritual game. It's like Zen. You have to let your mind take over.
I screwed up. It's all on me. I know that...All these hiccups I have, they must be for a reason. All this is just a test. I just don't know what the test is yet.
Golf is a game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood.
This golfer has a wicked slice. And quite a follow-through. That's why his partner, who stood too close, Is on the green in two.
Some golfers blast their ball from traps, With one adroit explosion, But others, out in ten perhaps, Depend upon erosion.
But you don't have to go up in the stands and play your foul balls. I do.
Trevino is in a league by himself. We don't even count him. We figure when you come in second, you're a winner.
A great deal of unnecessarily bad golf is played in this world.
All I want to do is do my shows and play golf.
I mean, I can actually say goodbye to the game of golf, never hit another golf shot the rest of my life and I'd be happy because I can get back in life without any rotation.
Bad Sausage and five bogeys will give you a stomach ache every time.
Yeah, after each of my downhill putts.
John certainly gives it a good hit, doesn't he? My Sunday best is a Wednesday afternoon compared to him.
Who watches golf on TV? Who calls eight friends over and gets a keg of beer? Landscapers, I guess. They sit around the TV, yelling, "Will you look at that golf path?Pure pea gravel."
What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?
The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray.
Not even Barbra Streisand celebrates herself as tirelessly as golf celebrates itself.
If I ever make a hole in one, A thrill that I've never known, I won't be believed and I'll have no fun, For I'm sure to be playing alone.
The number eighteen is symbolically meaningful because it is the numerical equivalent of the Hebrew word chai, which means life.
You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry, don't worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.
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