Witty Quotes - Page 36

• he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something

  Woody Allen

  Stupid, Humorous, People

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• She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humorous, Inspiration

  "Fictional character: Dr. Hackenbush". "A Day at the Races", www.imdb.com. 1937.

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• I hope that the kind reader recognises this as a despairing attempt at humour.

  Nancy Springer

  Kind, Humour, Reader

  Nancy Springer (2009). “The Case of the Cryptic Crinoline: An Enola Holmes Mystery”, p.44, Penguin

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• I would not like to live in a world without cathedrals. I need their beauty and grandeur. I need their imperious silence. I need it against the witless bellowing of the barracks yard and the witty chatter of the yes-men. I want to hear the rustling of the organ, this deluge of ethereal notes. I need it against the shrill farce of marches.

  Pascal Mercier

  Men, Silence, Yards

  Pascal Mercier (2009). “Night Train To Lisbon”, p.85, Atlantic Books Ltd

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• Be pretty if you can, be witty if you must, but be gracious if it kills you.

  Elsie de Wolfe

  Party, Tongue, Manners

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• I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.

  Woody Allen

  Humorous, Want, Nature Love

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• Ack!" I said. Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me.

  Jim Butcher

  Fearless, Harry Dresden, Masters

  Jim Butcher (2010). “Changes: A Novel of the Dresden Files”, p.29, Penguin

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• Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself.

  Mae West

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

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• Bishop was all done with the witty converstaion. "Will you swear?" And Myrnin said, shockingly, "I will." And he proceeded to, a string of swearwords that made Claire blink. He ended with, "--frothy fool-born apple-john! Cheater of vandals and defiler of dead dogs!" and did another twirl and bow. He looked up with a red, red grin that was more like a leer. "Is that what you meant, my lord?

  Rachel Caine

  Dog, Cheater, Apples

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• Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Anniversary, Sweet

  Oscar Wilde (2016). “A Critic in Pall Mall”, p.227, Oscar Wilde

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• Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Girlfriend, Crazy

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• Never ask while you are doing it if what you are doing is fun. Don't introduce even your most reliably witty acquaintance as someone who will set the table on a roar.

  Christopher Hitchens

  Fun, Tables, Introducing

  Christopher Hitchens (2010). “Hitch 22: A Memoir”, p.306, Atlantic Books Ltd

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• It's late, I'm tired, and your cigarettes are giving me a headache," I growled. "I suppose that's fair." He drew in on the cigarette and let out the smoke. "Some women think they make me look sexy." "I think you smoke them so you have something to do while thinking up your next witty line." He choked on the smoke, caught between inhaling and laughing. "Rose Hathaway, I can't wait to see you again. If you're this charming while tired and annoyed and this gorgeous while bruised and in ski clothes, you must be devastating at your peak.

  Richelle Mead

  Sexy, Tired, Thinking

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• It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.

  Tina Fey

  Moving, Writing, Chinese

  "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, October 13, 2011.

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• I have never been able to understand the complaint that a story is "depressing" because of its subject matter. What depresses me are stories that don't seem to know these things go on, or hide them in resolute chipperness; "witty stories," in which every problem is the occasion for a joke; "upbeat" stories that flog you with transcendence. Please. We're grown ups now.

  Tobias Wolff

  Depressing, Stories, Goes On

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• Can anything be more disgusting than to hear people called 'educated' making small jokes about eating ham, and showing themselves empty of any real knowledge as to the relation of their own social and religious life to the history of the people they think themselves witty in insulting? [...] The best thing that can be said of it is, that it is a sign of the intellectual narrowness—in plain English, the stupidity which is still the average mark of our culture.

  George Eliot

  Religious, Real, Stupid

  George Eliot (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of George Eliot (Illustrated)”, p.6957, Delphi Classics

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• Curran grinned and my heart made a little jump. I didn’t expect that. “That’s it? That’s your witty comeback?” “Yep.” Eloquence ’R’ Us. When in trouble, keep it monosyllabic—safer that way.

  Ilona Andrews

  Heart, Littles, Way

  Ilona Andrews (2009). “Magic Strikes”, p.43, Penguin

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• Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

  Suzanne Collins

  Funny, President Snow, Katniss

  Suzanne Collins (2010). “Mockingjay (The Hunger Games, Book 3)”, p.82, Scholastic Inc.

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• What I need is a woman who is something, anything: either very beautiful or very kind or in the last resort very wicked; very witty or very stupid, but something.

  Alfred de Musset

  Beautiful, Stupid, Wicked

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• Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.

  George Eliot

  Pride, Vanity, Helping

  George Eliot (2016). “George Eliot Collection: Middlemarch, Adam Bede, Silas Marner, The Lifted Veil, and The Mill on the Floss”, p.581, Xist Publishing

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• Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.

  Mae West

  Marriage, Sarcastic, Humorous

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• Every habit makes our hand more witty and our wit less handy.

  Friedrich Nietzsche

  Hands, Habit, Handy

  "Nietzsche: The Gay Science: With a Prelude in German Rhymes and an Appendix of Songs".

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• I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.

  Al Gore

  Funny, Regret, Latin

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• Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.

  Woody Allen

  Cute, Humorous, College

  Annie Hall, www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it.

  Mae West

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

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