Witty Quotes - Page 35

• Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humorous, Land

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• Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood.

  William Shakespeare

  Memorable, Should, Conversation

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• How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

  George Carlin

  Funny, God, Sarcastic

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• How is it possible to have a civil war?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

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• The cocktail filled him with a whirling exhilaration behind which he was aware of devastating desires—to rush places in fast motors, to kiss girls, to sing, to be witty. ... He perceived that he had gifts of profligacy which had been neglected. —chapter 8

  Sinclair Lewis

  Girl, Kissing, Desire

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• I only read biographies, metaphysics and psychology. I can dream up my own fiction.

  Mae West

  Sarcastic, Dream, Humorous

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• Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

  Groucho Marx

  Motivational, Leadership, Funny Inspirational

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• Any place I hang my head is home.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humorous, Home

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• I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid.

  Paris Hilton

  Funny, Sorry, Smart

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• [He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

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• Do you mind if I don't smoke?

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humorous, Smoking

  "Fictional character: Captain Jeffrey Spaulding". "Animal Crackers", www.imdb.com. 1930.

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• Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

  Edna St. Vincent Millay

  Beautiful, Intelligent, Brave

  Buck in the Snow (1928) "Dirge Without Music"

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• I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Integrity

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• I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.

  Barack Obama

  Funny, Sarcastic, Wisdom

  "The Senator's Humble Beginning" by Mark Leibovich, www.washingtonpost.com. February 24, 2005.

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• Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.

  Woody Allen

  Christian, Humorous, Car

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• If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

  Lawrence Ferlinghetti

  Funny, Sarcastic, Fall

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• I've no time for broads who want to rule the world alone. Without men, who'd do up the zipper on the back of your dress?

  Mae West

  Sarcastic, Humorous, Men

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• I made myself platinum, but I was born a dirty blonde.

  Mae West

  Sarcastic, Humorous, Dirty

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• This is how we court girls in America. We grab them and kiss them. And if they don't like it, we do it again, harder and longer, until they surrender. It saves us hours of witty repartee.

  Lisa Kleypas

  Girl, Kissing, America

  Lisa Kleypas (2008). “A Wallflower Christmas: A Novel”, p.35, Macmillan

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• I’d discovered, after a lot of extreme apprehension about what spoons to use, that if you do something incorrect at table with a certain arrogance, as if you knew perfectly well you were doing it properly, you can get away with it and nobody will think you are bad-mannered or poorly brought up. They will think you are original and very witty.

  Sylvia Plath

  Food, Thinking, Cooking

  Sylvia Plath (2016). “The Bell Jar”, p.16, Hamilton Books

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• The only real laughter comes from despair.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Laughter, Real

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• he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something

  Woody Allen

  Stupid, Humorous, People

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• She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humorous, Inspiration

  "Fictional character: Dr. Hackenbush". "A Day at the Races", www.imdb.com. 1937.

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• I hope that the kind reader recognises this as a despairing attempt at humour.

  Nancy Springer

  Kind, Humour, Reader

  Nancy Springer (2009). “The Case of the Cryptic Crinoline: An Enola Holmes Mystery”, p.44, Penguin

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• I would not like to live in a world without cathedrals. I need their beauty and grandeur. I need their imperious silence. I need it against the witless bellowing of the barracks yard and the witty chatter of the yes-men. I want to hear the rustling of the organ, this deluge of ethereal notes. I need it against the shrill farce of marches.

  Pascal Mercier

  Men, Silence, Yards

  Pascal Mercier (2009). “Night Train To Lisbon”, p.85, Atlantic Books Ltd

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