Witty Quotes - Page 37

• I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.

  Al Gore

  Funny, Regret, Latin

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• Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.

  Woody Allen

  Cute, Humorous, College

  Annie Hall, www.imdb.com. 1977.

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• Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it.

  Mae West

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

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• People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

  A. A. Milne

  Funny, Inspiring, People

  "Fictional character: Winnie The Pooh". "Christopher Robin", www.imdb.com. 2018.

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• I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.

  Mae West

  Sarcastic, Humorous, Would Be

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• Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Humorous

  Monkey Business (motion picture) (1931). Screenplay by Will B. Johnstone and S. J. Perelman.

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• The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.

  Woody Allen

  Humorous, Greatness, Standing

  Woody Allen (2006). “Woody Allen: Interviews”

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• Witty closing remarks have been replaced by massive head trauma and severe hemorrhaging.

  Jhonen Vasquez

  Trauma, Closing, Remarks

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• Nothing uses up alcohol faster than political argument.

  Robert A. Heinlein

  Alcohol, Political, Use

  Robert A Heinlein (1966). “Moon Is Harsh Mistres”, Berkley

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• The guy's life drunk, I think, makes Candide look like a sourpuss. Does he even know that death exists?

  Jandy Nelson

  Thinking, Drunk, Guy

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• I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

  Woody Allen

  Humorous, Ideas, Enthusiasm

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• The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Work

  "Why My Journey Of Grief Is So Like A Butterfly’s Metamorphosis" by Laurie Burrows Grad, www.huffingtonpost.com. August 4, 2016.

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• By the end of the session, I am no one at all. Haymitch started drinking somewhere around witty, and a nasty edge has crept into his voice. "I give up, sweetheart. Just answer the questions and try not to let the audience see how openly you despise them.

  Suzanne Collins

  Giving Up, Drinking, Voice

  Suzanne Collins (2009). “The Hunger Games”, p.113, Scholastic Inc.

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• You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humorous, Soup

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• I always love it whenever Rose delivers one of her witty one-liners—particularly when it’s a completely serious situation. The contrast always amuses me, but then, I’m biased.

  Richelle Mead

  Rose, Serious, One Liner

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• For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.

  Isabel Allende

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Trying to be witty leads to lying, more or less.

  Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  Lying, Trying

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• If I read as many books as most men do, I would be as dull-witted as they are.

  Thomas Hobbes

  Book, Men, Would Be

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  All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

  Woody Allen

  Inspiring, Funny Inspirational, Truth

  Woody Allen (1998). “Deconstructing Harry”

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• It's all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as he's perfect.

  Mae West

  Sarcastic, Humorous, Kissing

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

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• You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

  Mae West

  Girl, Sarcastic, Humorous

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

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• I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can't always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command--such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them.

  Jeffrey R. Holland

  Beautiful, School, Mean

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• All geniuses die young.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humorous, Genius

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• Dr. Seuss provided "ingenious and uniquely witty solutions to the standing problem of the juvenile fantasy writer: how to find, not another Alice, but another rabbit hole.

  Clifton Fadiman

  Rabbits, Drs, Rabbit Holes

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• Lesson learned? When people say, "You really, really must" do something, it means you don't really have to. No one ever says, "You really, really must deliver the baby during labor." When it's true, it doesn't need to be said.

  Tina Fey

  Baby, Mean, People

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.149, Hachette UK

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