Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
I drink to make other people interesting.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.