An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.
It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money.
There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man, by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern.
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.
Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean...Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
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