An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
He that drinks fast, pays slow.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past.
It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money.
No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.
I like my whisky old and my women young.
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.
The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.
In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man, by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
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