Phyllis Diller Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.

  Phyllis Diller

  Men, Sick, Dating

  5 Copy quote

• Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

  Phyllis Diller

  Feet, Aim High, Aim

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

• My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.

  Phyllis Diller

  Sister In Law, Stripes, Dresses

  6 Copy quote

• My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Inspiration, Hated

  5 Copy quote

• I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

  Phyllis Diller

  Boyfriend, Sex, Miles

  19 Copy quote

• Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 361 get-well cards.

  Phyllis Diller

  Get Well, Believe, Mind

  "Phyllis Diller's File Of 53,000 Jokes". "Weekend Edition Saturday" with Scott Simon, www.npr.org. March 11, 2017.

  8 Copy quote

• I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

  Phyllis Diller

  Food, Three, Milk

  14 Copy quote

• We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Baby, Children

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.68, Penguin

  11 Copy quote

• It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Fighting, Years

  7 Copy quote

• I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.

  Phyllis Diller

  Thinking, Age, Cocktails

  5 Copy quote

• Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

  Phyllis Diller

  Christmas, Xmas, Past

  23 Copy quote

• I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Football, Rams

  7 Copy quote

• I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.

  Phyllis Diller

  Missing, Mouths, Lasts

  "Legendary Comic Phyllis Diller Dies at 95" by Duane Byrge, www.hollywoodreporter.com. August 20, 2012.

  6 Copy quote

• A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.

  Phyllis Diller

  Men, Laughing, Looks

  8 Copy quote

• The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

  Phyllis Diller

  Retirement, Real, Golf

  16 Copy quote

• Comedy is tragedy revisited.

  Phyllis Diller

  Tragedy, Comedy

  7 Copy quote

• Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.

  Phyllis Diller

  Practice, Life Is, Do It Yourself

  12 Copy quote

• Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.

  Phyllis Diller

  Police, Remember, Policemen

  14 Copy quote

• self-pity is better than none.

  Phyllis Diller

  Self, Self Pity, Pity

  6 Copy quote

• Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.

  Phyllis Diller

  Important, Gold, Next

  25 Copy quote

• This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Moving, Tennis

  8 Copy quote

• I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.

  Phyllis Diller

  Wanted

  Phyllis Diller (2006). “Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy”, p.116, Penguin

  7 Copy quote

• They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

  Phyllis Diller

  Records, Measurement, Phonograph

  8 Copy quote

• I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

  Phyllis Diller

  Mother, Baby, Leaving

  15 Copy quote

• I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!

  Phyllis Diller

  Hate, Smart, Clerks

  9 Copy quote

Page 4 of 9

First

← Prev

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

Next →

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin