Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
I don't even drink! I can't stand the taste of alcohol. Every New Year's Eve I try one drink and every time it makes me feel sick. So I don't touch booze - I'm always the designated driver.
It was all that stuff about taking your parents' car when you're 13, sneaking booze into rock shows and ditching school with your friends. I could relate to that as a former teenager, rather than as a present parent.
There is no such thing as bad whiskey. Some whiskeys just happen to be better than others. But a man shouldn't fool with booze until he's fifty; then he's a damn fool if he doesn't.
Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.
I drink booze, I smoke, and I'm hooked on caffeine. I actually have been known to swear at times and belch and even raise my voice when provoked. And I'm not physically repressed!
Any man who eats dessert is not drinking enough.
Maybe a nation that consumes as much booze and dope as we do and has our kind of divorce statistics should pipe down about "character issues."
In other countries, art and literature are left to a lot of shabby bums living in attics and feeding on booze and spaghetti, but in America the successful writer or picture-painter is indistinguishable from any other decent businessman.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
You can't be as old as I am without waking up with a surprised look on your face every morning.
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