For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.
Trying to be witty leads to lying, more or less.
If I read as many books as most men do, I would be as dull-witted as they are.
Dr. Seuss provided "ingenious and uniquely witty solutions to the standing problem of the juvenile fantasy writer: how to find, not another Alice, but another rabbit hole.
Lesson learned? When people say, "You really, really must" do something, it means you don't really have to. No one ever says, "You really, really must deliver the baby during labor." When it's true, it doesn't need to be said.
It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.
-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.
Nice people don't necessarily fall in love with nice people.
Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.
Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.
My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)
Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying "like" all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.
In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.
Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.
Either way, everything will be fine. But if you have an opinion, please feel free to offer it to me through the gap in the door of a public restroom. Everyone else does.
I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid.
You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.
Do your thing and don't care if they like it.
The stories we love best do live in us forever.
Plainly, this unwillingness to give ground even on unimportant disagreements is the symptom of some deepseated insecurity, as was my one-time fondness for making teasing remarks (which I amended when I read Anthony Powell's matter-of-fact observation that teasing is an unfailing sign of misery within) and as is my very pronounced impatience. The struggle, therefore, is to try and cultivate the virtuous side of these shortcomings: to be a genial host while only slightly whiffled, for example, or to be witty at the expense of one's own weaknesses instead of those of other people.
Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.
[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.
Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it.
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