Witty Quotes - Page 26

• For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.

  Isabel Allende

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Trying to be witty leads to lying, more or less.

  Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  Lying, Trying

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• If I read as many books as most men do, I would be as dull-witted as they are.

  Thomas Hobbes

  Book, Men, Would Be

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• Dr. Seuss provided "ingenious and uniquely witty solutions to the standing problem of the juvenile fantasy writer: how to find, not another Alice, but another rabbit hole.

  Clifton Fadiman

  Rabbits, Drs, Rabbit Holes

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• Lesson learned? When people say, "You really, really must" do something, it means you don't really have to. No one ever says, "You really, really must deliver the baby during labor." When it's true, it doesn't need to be said.

  Tina Fey

  Baby, Mean, People

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.149, Hachette UK

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• It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.

  Tina Fey

  Moving, Writing, Chinese

  "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, October 13, 2011.

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• -Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Know Me, Knows

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• Nice people don't necessarily fall in love with nice people.

  Jonathan Franzen

  Funny, Falling In Love, Nice

  "Freedom". Book by Jonathan Franzen, 2010.

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• Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.

  Tina Fey

  Crazy, Makeup, Looks

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• Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

  Tina Fey

  Gay, Thinking, People

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• My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humorous, Thinking

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• Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humorous, Good Luck

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.88, Da Capo Press

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• Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying "like" all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.

  Tina Fey

  Funny, Girl, Baby

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.25, Hachette UK

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• In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.

  Tina Fey

  Mean, Top Management, People

  "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 5, 2011.

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• Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.

  Tina Fey

  People, Mad, Cry

  "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 05, 2011.

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• Either way, everything will be fine. But if you have an opinion, please feel free to offer it to me through the gap in the door of a public restroom. Everyone else does.

  Tina Fey

  Doors, Doe, Gaps

  Tina Fey (2011). “Bossypants”, p.149, Hachette UK

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• I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid.

  Paris Hilton

  Funny, Sorry, Smart

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• You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

  Terry Pratchett

  Knows

  Terry Pratchett (2009). “Maskerade: (Discworld Novel 18)”, p.142, Random House

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• Do your thing and don't care if they like it.

  Tina Fey

  Being Yourself, Badass, Love Yourself

  "We Didn't Come to Saturday Night Live To Be Cute" by Tina Fey, www.slate.com. July 25, 2011.

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• The stories we love best do live in us forever.

  J. K. Rowling

  Life, Wise, Forever

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• Plainly, this unwillingness to give ground even on unimportant disagreements is the symptom of some deepseated insecurity, as was my one-time fondness for making teasing remarks (which I amended when I read Anthony Powell's matter-of-fact observation that teasing is an unfailing sign of misery within) and as is my very pronounced impatience. The struggle, therefore, is to try and cultivate the virtuous side of these shortcomings: to be a genial host while only slightly whiffled, for example, or to be witty at the expense of one's own weaknesses instead of those of other people.

  Christopher Hitchens

  Struggle, People, Giving

  Christopher Hitchens (2010). “Hitch 22: A Memoir”, p.302, Atlantic Books Ltd

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• Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.

  Woody Allen

  Christian, Humorous, Car

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• Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Positive, Work

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• [He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

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• Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it.

  Mae West

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

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