Comedian Quotes - Page 21

• Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.

  Chris Rock

  Spanx, Murphy

  "Eddie Murphy awarded Mark Twain Prize: Here are the parts you might not see on the PBS special" by Peggy McGlone, www.washingtonpost.com. October 19, 2015.

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• Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.

  Dean Martin

  Night, America, Wife

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

  George Carlin

  Honesty, Second Best, Elimination

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

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• We [me and my husband] both had our things. Seth was the artist, I was the singer. We were like "You do your thing, I'll do my thing and never the two shall meet." I think we had a healthy competition going through our childhood. But I sort of left the funny stuff to him, I said "You're the comedian, you're the jokester, you do that I'll be the more serious one." You need that kind of balance in the family.

  Rachael MacFarlane

  Husband, Artist, Thinking

  Source: collider.com

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• I'm not a comedian. I'm what you call a good, old-fashioned working actor who has had delusions of grandeur for my entire career and has known what I want to do.

  Chris Diamantopoulos

  Careers, Actors, Want

  Source: collider.com

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• Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.

  Chelsea Handler

  Tv Shows, People, Events

  "Chelsea Handler: Gay rights is no joke". Interview with Jessica Abramson, www.nbcnews.com. June 22, 2011.

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• Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally.

  Lenny Bruce

  Groups, Needs, Might

  "The Lenny Bruce Interview, Jill Bourque’s How We First Met and Stage Time With Steven Alan Green". jewishjournal.com. April 7, 2013.

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• Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.

  W. C. Fields

  Stealing

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• Our good time is sitting in a coffee shop with a newspaper, writing a line on the back of a napkin. That is the most fun comedians ever have

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Fun, Coffee, Writing

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• I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.

  Demetri Martin

  Growing Up, Nerd, Comedy

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• Racial humor was about 35% of my act when I first started. But I realized that it was a crutch. What brought it home was when another comedian said to me, 'If you changed color tomorrow, you wouldn't have any material.' He meant it as a put-down, but I took it as a challenge.

  Bill Cosby

  Home, Color, Challenges

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• Republicans just can't help themselves. They get in front of a live microphone and within a few sentences are rocketing down the swiftest and most direct route to the all-you-can-eat comedian-and-talk-show-host buffet.

  Henry Rollins

  Buffets, Helping, Host

  "I’m Lovin’ It" by Henry Rollins, www.vanityfair.com. July 14, 2010.

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• Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was being a teenager... Boy, was I wrong!

  Chris Rock

  Teenager, Boys, Happens

  "Everybody Hates Chris (Everybody Hates the Pilot)". TV Series, September 22, 2005.

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• I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.

  Chris Rock

  Rap, Bangs, Laid Back

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• Every comedian has a moment in his life when he realizes he's a little bit different from everyone else. It's like being the only guy in a movie who sees the ghost. The ghost talks to you and you talk to him. Then you turn to your friend and say, "Hey. Do you see that ghost? And he says, What ghost?"

  Chris Rock

  Guy, Different, Hey

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• Nobody really wants to be a stand-up, they want to get on TV.

  Chris Rock

  Want, Tvs

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.

  George Burns

  Men, Laughing, Waiting

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• For a long time I thought I knew for sure who I was. I grew up in New Orleans and became a comedian. And there was everything that came along with that. The nightclubs. The smoking. The drinking. Then I turned 13.

  Ellen DeGeneres

  Drinking, New Orleans, Long

  "What Ellen DeGeneres Knows for Sure (She Thinks)". O, The Oprah Magazine Interview, www.oprah.com. December 2009.

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• I want to have fun. Life ain't no dress rehearsal. I want to have fun. I'm a comedian; I ain't no politician. So everything I do is with humor, with love.

  Bernie Mac

  Fun, Dresses, Rehearsal

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• Comedians don`t get Oscars, so I gave up on that a long time ago. And I can`t really speak about the Oscar-worthiness of my own performance.

  Steve Martin

  Long, Oscars, Speak

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.

  Jon Stewart

  Years, Feelings, World

  "NOW with Bill Moyers", www.pbs.org. July 11, 2003.

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• The real focus at first is to just become a good stand-up comedian, and then when you get to a certain level, then they allow you to do other things. You feel if you're overwhelmed by something or if you're not.

  Jon Stewart

  Real, Focus, Levels

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• Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.

  Jon Stewart

  Limits, Cases, Showers

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• My life was typical. I played a little Little League baseball. I never wanted for food. I always had shoes. I had a room. There were no great tragedies. There were the typical ups and downs but I wouldn' t say it was at all sad. We were Jewish and living in the suburbs so there was a slightly neurotic bent to it, but I can't point to anything where a boy overcame a tragedy to become a comedian. As my grandmother used to say, 'I can't complain.

  Jon Stewart

  Baseball, Grandmother, Boys

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• As a comedian, as a person, as a citizen, as a mammal - in all of those areas, I am looking forward to the end of the Bush administration with every fiber of my being.

  Jon Stewart

  Mammals, Citizens, Fiber

  "Jon Stewart on the end of the Bush Administration". Interview with Adam Bulger, artvoice.com. November 12, 2008.

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