Drinking Funny Quotes - Page 3

• I drink to make other people more interesting.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Life, Drinking

  "How To Be Interesting: Simple Ways to Increase Your Personal Appeal". Book by David Gillespie, Mark Warren, 2013.

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• Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

  Dave Barry

  Book, Drinking, Beer

  Dave Barry (2012). “The Greatest Invention in the History of Mankind Is Beer: And Other Manly Insights from Dave Barry”, p.112, Andrews McMeel Publishing

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• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.

  Frank Zappa

  Country, Real, Drinking

  Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso (1990). “Real Frank Zappa Book”, p.231, Simon and Schuster

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• Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

  Jean Kerr

  Drinking, Numbers, People

  9 Copy quote

• I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Drinking, Alcohol, Turns

  13 Copy quote

• I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.

  Brendan Behan

  Drinking, Two, Alcohol

  37 Copy quote

• Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Drinking, Dirty, Food

  16 Copy quote

• I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

  George Gobel

  Drinking, Beer, Drunk

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

  Oscar Levant

  Drinking, Beer, Funny Sarcastic

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Drinking, Beer

  Recalled on his death, 4 Jun1971.

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• Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

  Dave Barry

  Fun, Drinking, Book

  "Vegetable Magnetism" by Dave Barry, www.washingtonpost.com. March 17, 1991.

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  That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.

  Charles Bukowski

  Drinking, Beer, Order

  79 Copy quote

• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

  Kinky Friedman

  Beauty, Philosophy, Drinking

  29 Copy quote

• Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.

  Robert A. Heinlein

  Missing You, Strong, Drinking

  Robert A. Heinlein (1987). “Time Enough for Love”, p.325, Penguin

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  Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Witty, Clever

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

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• I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

  Jack Lemmon

  Funny, Music, Morning

  95 Copy quote

• If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

  Clement Freud

  Funny, Witty, Giving Up

  Quoted in Observer (London), 27 Dec. 1964.

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• First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.

  F. Scott Fitzgerald

  Funny, New Year, Drinking

  F. Scott Fitzgerald (2011). “On Booze (New Directions Pearls)”, p.92, New Directions Publishing

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• Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

  W. C. Fields

  Food, Drinking, Beer

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Witty, Clever

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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  Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

  Frank Sinatra

  Love, Bible, Sarcastic

  185 Copy quote

• A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Drinking, Book

  90 Copy quote

• If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

  Dean Martin

  Retirement, Drinking, Book

  "Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

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• I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.

  Raymond Chandler

  Drinking, Beer, Men

  Raymond Chandler (2014). “The World of Raymond Chandler: In His Own Words”, p.87, Vintage

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• Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

  Drew Carey

  Funny, Sarcastic, Jobs

  47 Copy quote