Drinking Funny Quotes

• What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

  W. Clement Stone

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  59 Copy quote

• Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Witty, Work

  Quoted in Frank Harris, Oscar Wilde: His Life and Confessions (1916)

  68 Copy quote

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• I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

  David Lee Roth

  Funny, Life, Sports

  "Roth Army" by Oliver Hurley, www.theguardian.com. August 27, 2004.

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• The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

  William Butler Yeats

  Drinking, Food, Humor

  32 Copy quote

• When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

  Henny Youngman

  Crazy, Drinking, Reading

  Quoted in Rocky Mountain News, 15 July 1994

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  You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

  Dean Martin

  Clever, Lying, Humorous

  In Paul Dickson Official Rules (1978) p. 112

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• My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

  Henny Youngman

  Good Life, Grandma, Drinking

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  161 Copy quote

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• I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

  Hunter S. Thompson

  Weed, Hate, Drinking

  FaceBook post by Hunter S. Thompson from Jul 15, 2014

  91 Copy quote

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  An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

  Dylan Thomas

  Funny, Drinking, Food

  Dictionary of 20th Century Quotations quoted by Nigel Rees. Fontana London (1987)

  88 Copy quote

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• Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.

  Arnold Schwarzenegger

  Inspirational, Baby, Motivational Sports

  "Pumping Iron". Documentary, www.imdb.com. 1977.

  91 Copy quote

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• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

  Frank Zappa

  Funny, Football, Country

  Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso (1990). “Real Frank Zappa Book”, p.231, Simon and Schuster

  51 Copy quote

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  Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Funny, Life, Drinking

  121 Copy quote

• The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Life, Religious, Atheist

  George Bernard Shaw (1993). “The Complete Prefaces: 1914-1929”, Viking Adult

  146 Copy quote

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• When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.

  Francois Rabelais

  Drinking, Beer, Thinking

  27 Copy quote

• Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

  W. C. Fields

  Travel, Book, Drinking

  76 Copy quote

• Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Alcohol, Done

  "The Temperance Lecture" (radio broadcast) (1938)

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• I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Funny, Book

  In Corey Ford Time of Laughter (1970) p. 182

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• I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Witty, Drinking

  110 Copy quote

• What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others.

  Diogenes

  Drinking, Wine, Drink

  11 Copy quote

• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

  Albert Einstein

  Drinking, Alcohol, Inventory

  122 Copy quote

• Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.

  Bob Marley

  Weed, Hippie, Drinking

  108 Copy quote

• My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.

  Winston Churchill

  Drinking, Beer, Funny Sarcastic

  Uttered during a lunch with the Arab leader, Ibn Saud

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• When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.

  Jimmy Breslin

  Drinking, Food, Beer

  Jimmy Breslin (1986). “Table money”

  68 Copy quote

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• I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

  Dorothy Parker

  Drinking, Two, Alcohol

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  199 Copy quote

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• If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Drinking, Alcohol, Mind

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.57, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  17 Copy quote

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