Drinking Funny Quotes - Page 5

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  I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.

  George Best

  Soccer, Sports, Football

  "Best: Decline of the golden boy". news.bbc.co.uk. June 14, 2005.

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• Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Drinking, Alcohol, Literature

  Gilbert K. Chesterton (2013). “The Essential Gilbert K. Chesterton”, p.163, Simon and Schuster

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• Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.

  Carl Jung

  Drinking, Recovery, Overcoming Addiction

  Memories, Dreams, Reflections ch. 12 (1962)

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• I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.

  Abraham Lincoln

  Inspirational, Wisdom, Truth

  Abraham Lincoln (1999). “The Wit & Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln: A Treasury of Quotations, Anecdotes, and Observations”, Gramercy

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• God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.

  Ed McMahon

  Drinking, Drunk, Alcohol

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• Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

  Robert Benchley

  Drinking, People, Alcohol

  "The New Speaker's Treasury of Wit and Wisdom". Book by Herbert Victor Prochnow, 1958.

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• Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Motivational, Drinking, Beer

  The Devil's Dictionary

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  The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

  Humphrey Bogart

  Drinking, Book, Beer

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• It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

  George Burns

  Clever, Drinking, Drunk

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• Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.

  Lord Byron

  Drinking, Beer, Men

  'Don Juan' (1819-24) canto 2, st. 179

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• I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Beauty, Sarcastic

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• I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

  Winston Churchill

  Military, Drinking, Taken

  In Quentin Reynolds By Quentin Reynolds (1964) ch. 11

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• I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

  Noel Coward

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

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• I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Party, Drinking, Beer

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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  An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Book, Drinking, Beer

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

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• Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

  Nancy Astor

  Husband, Drinking, Beer

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• Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

  Winston Churchill

  Drinking, Beer, Wife

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• My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Drinking, Doctors, Mirrors

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.88, Zondervan

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• I once shook hands with Pat Boone, and my whole right side sobered up!

  Dean Martin

  Drinking, Beer, Hands

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.

  Bette Midler

  Drinking, Drunk, Perspective

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Drinking, Ignorance, Stupid People

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.110, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

  Henny Youngman

  New York, Dad, Drinking

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• I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Father, Humor

  George Carlin (2004). “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, Hyperion

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• Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector.

  Graham Greene

  Lying, Drinking, Wine

  Graham Greene (1980). “Travels with my aunt”

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• No poems can please long or live that are written by water drinkers.

  Horace

  Food, Water, Long

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