An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.
It's impossible to ravish me, I'm so willing.
You should be as alive as you can, until you're totally dead!
Old people have fewer diseases than the young, but their diseases never leave them.
The court is like a palace of marble; it's composed of people very hard and very polished.
The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.
The stupidity of one brain multiplied by twelve.
If you cry ''Forward'' you must be sure to make clear the direction in which to go. Don't you see that if you fail to do that and simply call out the word to a monk and a revolutionary, they will go in precisely opposite directions?
Presents? We already bought you a lot of things. Member when we were at the market and I bought you gum? You'member.
George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people... George: You have a birthday lunch at Denny's every month. We're not that proud!
Max: What's a period? George: It's a bullet we dodge, go get ready.
This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus.
One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.
I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants.
At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.
Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!
They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.
God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. "You little fat-titted mediocre failure!" You ever do that for 3 hours on New Year's Eve.
I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.
I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.
I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.
I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic.
That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?
You have the sex appeal of Norman Fell.
I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.
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