Humor Quotes - Page 13

• Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Clothes, Magic

  18 Copy quote

• I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Baby, Miscarriage

  21 Copy quote

• I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Cracks, Puddles

  9 Copy quote

• That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Looks, Parenthood

  11 Copy quote

• There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Tragedy, Coats

  10 Copy quote

• Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Silly, Men

  4 Copy quote

• I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Rubber, Causes

  16 Copy quote

• For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Hate, Records

  12 Copy quote

• No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Periods, Carpet

  7 Copy quote

• I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Wish, Aids

  23 Copy quote

• And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they're all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Running, Children

  49 Copy quote

• I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Rifles, Getting Laid

  4 Copy quote

• You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Grateful, Years

  7 Copy quote

• I had AIDS, but I beat it with Advil.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Aids, Beats

  4 Copy quote

• What a coincidence, they both go to College and I'm a rapist!

  Jim Norton

  Funny, College, Coincidence

  5 Copy quote

• My legs tired, ain't your legs tired!? His legs ain't Tired! He Just... Tinktinktinktinktinktink, TinktinkTinktinkTinktink!! Just paperclips and Sparks everywhere!

  Katt Williams

  Funny, Tired, Legs

  15 Copy quote

• White people, you did not get a receipt for niggas, you can not return us!

  Katt Williams

  Funny, White, People

  27 Copy quote

• If your pussy was so good, you would drive a better car.

  Katt Williams

  Funny, Car, Pussy

  56 Copy quote

• America is a bunch o' bullies. Tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait.

  Katt Williams

  Funny, Iraq, America

  23 Copy quote

• You can't even go to Heaven if you get killed by Spinach, you can't even go. You don't even know what to tell Jesus. You Just 'You know what Jesus, I did have a salad, I really Did I- I Didn't know what I was thinking about.

  Katt Williams

  Funny, Jesus, Thinking

  17 Copy quote

• He comes back with the script, and it's racist like a 1940's Newspaper.

  Katt Williams

  Funny, Racist, Scripts

  6 Copy quote

• My name is "A Pimp named Slickback" Wait... A Pimp?? ... Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includs the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes Tom, everytime.

  Katt Williams

  Funny, Names, Waiting

  24 Copy quote

• Hello?... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven... Well try it if it doest work call me back we'll figure this thing out.

  Katt Williams

  Funny, Sorry, Numbers

  19 Copy quote

• A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Fighting, Kissing

  5 Copy quote

• You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Two, Partners

  6 Copy quote