Humor Quotes - Page 16

• I'm a mischievous drunk.

  Noel Fielding

  Funny, Drunk, Mischievous

  "This much I know". Interview with Eva Wiseman, www.theguardian.com. May 24, 2008.

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• When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I'd look like him.

  Noel Fielding

  Funny, Kids, Hair

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• Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.

  Noel Fielding

  Funny, Boys, Rocks

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• Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.

  Noel Fielding

  Funny, Ponchos, Imagine

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• They call me the confuser. Is he a man... is he a woman? Ooh, I'm not sure if I mind.

  Noel Fielding

  Funny, Men, Mind

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• Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples... it was a trick pie!

  Noel Fielding

  Funny, Eye, Cutting

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• Science teachers and the mentally ill, that's all Jazz is for.

  Noel Fielding

  Funny, Teacher, Jazz

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• You can't just go gay, its not like buying a ladder.

  Noel Fielding

  Funny, Gay, Buying

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• That's the authentic punk dance. It's like a child dizzy on lemonade.

  Noel Fielding

  Funny, Children, Dizzy

  "Never Mind the Buzzcocks". Comedy, Game-Show, Music, 1996–2015.

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• With Michael Jackson, what I thought was really interesting was the people saying: 'He looked really well in that final video.' I was, like: 'No, he didn't - he looked like someone had melted goat's cheese over a sex doll.'

  Russell Howard

  Funny, Sex, Interesting

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• I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My friend Rob is disgusted I'm a heart-throb.

  Russell Howard

  Funny, Eye, Heart

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• That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Looks, Parenthood

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• I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Running, Years

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• One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Bags, Hungry

  "George Lopez". www.imdb.com. 2002 - 2007.

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• Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Clothes, Magic

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• That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Interesting, Victim

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• There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Tragedy, Coats

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• You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Grateful, Years

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• I couldn't get laid with a sitcom and a rifle.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Rifles, Getting Laid

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• Hello?... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven... Well try it if it doest work call me back we'll figure this thing out.

  Katt Williams

  Funny, Sorry, Numbers

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• This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Bus

  "George Lopez". www.imdb.com. 2002 - 2007.

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• I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

  Jim Norton

  Funny, Wish, Aids

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• Max: What's a period? George: It's a bullet we dodge, go get ready.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Max, Bullets

  TV series "George Lopez" ("Prototype"), 2002-2007.

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• George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people... George: You have a birthday lunch at Denny's every month. We're not that proud!

  George Lopez

  Funny, Brother, Years

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• Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife. And Five Drink Mike... dances with wildlife.

  Mike Birbiglia

  Funny, Two, Dancing

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