There's not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality, so I hate reality TV. But I love Columbo.
When I was 14, I saw someone getting their face and wrists slashed with a knife in a pub in Catford. Nobody lifted a finger. That's when I realised that violence wasn't funny. At all.
I'm a mischievous drunk.
When you're famous you can't go to Topshop. Even when I disguise myself in a moustache, baseball cap, sunglasses - the full Madonna kit - it doesn't work: my stupid face is too big.
When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I'd look like him.
When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool.
We got everythin' we need here. We got Baileys, creamy, and, um... everythin' good. I'll get ya another Baileys
I've got it all in here ultra violets, flying saucers, strawberry bootlace come on get involved.
Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.
Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.
I've had a really weird day, some joker threw bamboo in the penguin enclosure. They all vaulted out. It was a nightmare, it took me all morning to get them back in.
They call me the confuser. Is he a man... is he a woman? Ooh, I'm not sure if I mind.
Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples... it was a trick pie!
Never try and go on a solo mission on your own.
Science teachers and the mentally ill, that's all Jazz is for.
You can't just go gay, its not like buying a ladder.
The tie's a multi purpose accessory, y'know, belt, school boy, Rambo.
Goth Juice... The most powerful hairspray known to man. Made from the tears of Robert Smith.
I couldn't have invented crisps. ... I don't really want to be known as the man who invented crisps. ... I invented apples. ... I invented pandas, and caps. I invented soil.
No means yes in grasshopper language.
That's the authentic punk dance. It's like a child dizzy on lemonade.
I'm going to name drop like an idiot now, but Bono rang me up once, right? I don't know how he got my number, but I, ever so stupidly, and obviously thought it was one of my mates mocking about. So I was like, "Yeah, whatever." And it was him, but I even went to him, "That's not even a good Irish accent!"
From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the toaster!
I like the authentic punk dance you did there. It's like a child dizzy off lemonade
With Michael Jackson, what I thought was really interesting was the people saying: 'He looked really well in that final video.' I was, like: 'No, he didn't - he looked like someone had melted goat's cheese over a sex doll.'
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