Humor Quotes - Page 37

• I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.

  Sarah Silverman

  Funny, Holocaust, Stuff

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.

  Sarah Silverman

  Funny

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• But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.

  Sarah Silverman

  Funny, Thinking, Long

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games.

  Sarah Silverman

  Inspirational, Funny, Basketball

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

  Sarah Silverman

  Funny, Heart, Kissing

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Stand-up comics reflect less of a visual humor and more of a commentary.

  Shel Silverstein

  Comic, Visuals, Commentary

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• I believe that economists put decimal points in their forecasts to show they have a sense of humor.

  William Gilmore Simms

  Believe, Economist, Shows

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• Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.

  Will Smith

  Funny, Inspiration, Paper

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• The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly, is to fill the world with fools.

  Herbert Spencer

  Silly, Men, Foolish Man

  'Essays' (1891) vol. 3 'State Tamperings with Money and Banks'

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• As far as humor goes, I've always been a very insecure person and I've always wanted to be liked.

  Peter Steele

  Insecure, Insecurity, Wanted

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• Oldtimers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they're successful.

  Casey Stengel

  Funny, Sports, Airplane

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• I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.

  Adlai E. Stevenson

  Funny, Friends, Truth

  Campaign remark, Fresno, Cal., 10 Sept. 1952. John F. Parker, in "If Elected, I Promise ...": Stories and Gems of Wisdom by and About Politicians (1969), attributes the reverse statement to Chauncey Depew (1834 - 1928): "If you will refrain from telling any lies about the Republican party, I'll promise not to tell the truth about the Democrats."

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• I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, that two are called a law firm, and that three or more become a congress.

  Peter Stone

  Men, Law, Two

  Sherman Edwards, Peter Stone (1976). “1776: A Musical Play”, Penguin Group USA

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• Eternity's a terrible thought. I mean, where's it all going to end?

  Tom Stoppard

  Funny, Time, Mean

  Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (1967) act 2

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• People who keep dogs are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

  August Strindberg

  Funny, Dog, Animal

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• He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Friendship, Sarcastic

  "The Works of Oscar Wilde".

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• The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman.

  Jonathan Swift

  Inspirational, Funny, Humorous

  Jonathan Swift (1761). “The Works of Dr Jonathan Swift, Dean of St Patrick's, Dublin. Accurately Corrected by the Best Editions. With the Author's Life and Character; Notes Historical, Critical, and Explanatory; Tables of Contents, and Indexes. More Complete Than Any Preceding Edition. In Eight Volumes”, p.323

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• Men are happy to be laughed at for their humor, but not for their folly.

  Jonathan Swift

  Men, Laughing, Literature

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• The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.

  Tacitus

  Courage, Determination, Work

  "Annals". Book by Tacitus, Book XV, 50,

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• If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain.

  William Howard Taft

  Race, People, Safety

  "Irish Humor". Address in Hot Springs, Virginia, August 05, 1908.

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• The difference between utility and utility plus beauty is the difference between telephone wires and the spider web.

  Edwin Way Teale

  Funny, Beauty, Nature

  Edwin Way Teale (1987). “Circle of the seasons: the journal of a naturalist's year”, Olympic Marketing Corp

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• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

  Shirley Temple

  Funny, Christmas, Mother

  Quoted in Leslie Halliwell, Halliwell's Filmgoer's Companion (1984)

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• Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

  Joe Theismann

  Funny, Sports, Football

  "Conrad Smith sees USA challenge in all black and white: it's about the win" by Alexander Bisley, www.theguardian.com. October 30, 2014.

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• If one tends to be a humorous person and you have a sense of humor the rest of your life then you can certainly lighten the load, I think, by bringing that to your trials and tribulations. It's easy to have a sense of humor when everything is going well.

  Alan Thicke

  Humorous, Thinking, Trials

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• I'm not one of those famous people flying round the world emoting over every catastrophe. I'm too feeble.

  Kristin Scott Thomas

  Inspiration, People, Flying

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