Humor Quotes - Page 32

• I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me.

  Denis Leary

  Funny, Want, Killing

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• I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to nurture.

  Denis Leary

  Funny, Share, Nurture

  Denis Leary (2015). “No Cure for Cancer”, p.42, Anchor

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• Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct.

  Denis Leary

  Funny, Meat Eating, Decision

  "Denis Leary: No Cure for Cancer". TV Special, www.imdb.com. 1993.

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• Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

  Denis Leary

  Funny, Hate, Color

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I've eaten things that didn't complain this much.

  Denis Leary

  Funny, Complaining, Ice Age

  "Fictional character: Diego". "Ice Age", www.imdb.com. March 12, 2002.

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• There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

  Denis Leary

  Funny, Sexy, Clothes

  Denis Leary (2015). “No Cure for Cancer”, p.30, Anchor

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• I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side?

  Denis Leary

  Funny, Book, Thinking

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• My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance.

  Denis Leary

  Funny, Regret, Denver

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• The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

  Fran Lebowitz

  Inspirational, Funny, Hope

  FaceBook post by Fran Lebowitz from Apr 24, 2010

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• All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

  Fran Lebowitz

  Funny, Beauty, Beautiful

  Metropolitan Life "Manners" (1978)

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• Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

  Fran Lebowitz

  Funny, Women, Doors

  Fran Lebowitz (2011). “The Fran Lebowitz Reader”, p.242, Vintage

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• Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.

  Fran Lebowitz

  Funny, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

  Fran Lebowitz (2011). “The Fran Lebowitz Reader”, p.193, Vintage

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• If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

  Fran Lebowitz

  Funny, Suicide, Nature

  Fran Lebowitz (2011). “The Fran Lebowitz Reader”, p.158, Vintage

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• I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

  Tom Lehrer

  Inspirational, Funny, Work

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• I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

  Tom Lehrer

  Funny, Communication, Problem

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• Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

  Oscar Levant

  Funny, Humorous, Flower

  "Fictional character: Jerry Sunborne". "Things We Lost in the Fire", www.imdb.com. 2007.

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• The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

  Oscar Levant

  Funny, Humorous, Party

  "The Quotable Politician". Book by William B. Whitman, p. 30, 2003.

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• Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

  Oscar Levant

  Funny, Dining Alone, Schizophrenia

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

  Sam Levenson

  Funny, Death, Clever

  Sam Levenson (2016). “You Don't Have to Be in Who's Who to Know What's What: The Choice Wit and Wisdom of Sam Levenson”, p.60, Open Road Media

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• Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.

  Sinclair Lewis

  Funny, Money, Way

  "Gideon Planish". Book by Sinclair Lewis, 1943.

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• Knavery and flattery are blood relations.

  Abraham Lincoln

  Blood, Knavery, Flattery

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• Brains, you know, are suspect in the Republican Party.

  Walter Lippmann

  Funny, Humorous, Party

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• Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug.

  John Lithgow

  Funny, Time, Inspiration

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• Life is full of risks anyway; why not take them?

  Lindsay Lohan

  Inspirational, Success, Risk

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• It's a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority.

  George Lopez

  Funny, White, America

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