I've got a great sense of humor.
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.
Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.
Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.
The Church has always been willing to swap off treasures in heaven for cash down.
You know, I'm Australian, and we have got the worst sense of humor. We are cruel to each other.
It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.
It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope.
If I make a fool of myself, who cares? I'm not frightened by anyone's perception of me.
Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.
You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a Democrat.
Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.
The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.
You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.
Advertisers also know that humor can help bond us to their product.
Laughter, and the broader category of humor, are key elements in helping us go on with our life after a loss.
When we are dealing with death we are constantly being dragged down by the event: Humor diverts our attention and lifts our sagging spirits.
I like to deal with EVERY aspect of our condition, and that means terror and humor in equal mix. Some books have more room for humor than others.
How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print.
One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closest friends; if they seem OK, then you're the one.
It is quite true, as some poets said, that the God who created man must have had a sinister sense of humor, creating him a reasonable being, yet forcing him to take this ridiculous posture, and driving him with blind craving for this ridiculous performance.
I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?
I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.
We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me!
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