Humor Quotes - Page 36

• A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.

  Dennis Miller

  Funny, Men, White

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• President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

  Dennis Miller

  Funny, People, Presidential

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• You see, that's another thing that my parents gave me: an enormously great sense of humor.

  Liza Minnelli

  Parent, Sense Of Humor

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• God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.

  Addison Mizner

  Inspirational, Funny, Friendship

  "The Complete Cynic".

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• The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

  Wilson Mizner

  Funny, Friendship, Giving

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• When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her.

  Michel de Montaigne

  Funny, Cat, Animal

  Essais bk. 2, ch. 12 (1580)

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• Fortune, seeing that she could not make fools wise, has made them lucky.

  Michel de Montaigne

  Funny, Wise, Fools Day

  Attributed to "Essais" by Michel de Montaigne, Book III, Ch. 8, 1595.

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• Tony and I had a good on and off screen relationship, we are two very different people, but we did share a sense of humor, we now live in different parts of the world but when we find ourselves in the same place it is more or less as if there had been no years in between.

  Roger Moore

  Years, Two, People

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• I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Thinking, Trying

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Thinking, Parody

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Jobs, Ordinary

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Division, Footballer

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Book, Writing

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Digging, Done

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Giving, Twists

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• In my opinion, I think sarcasm and humor in a song, without turning it into a novelty song, is really charming.

  Alanis Morissette

  Sarcastic, Song, Sarcasm

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• Bad humor is an evasion of reality; good humor is an acceptance of it.

  Malcolm Muggeridge

  Acceptance, Reality, Tax Evasion

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• Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

  Martin Mull

  Inspirational, Funny, Family

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

  Hector Hugh Munro

  Funny, Witty, Powerful

  The Square Egg (1924) "Clovis on the Alleged Romance of Business"

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• The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

  George Jean Nathan

  Funny, Real, Laughing

  American Mercury, Sept. 1929

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• I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable.

  Bob Newhart

  Thinking, Confusion, Littles

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• When one has not had a good father, one must create one.

  Friedrich Nietzsche

  Funny, Dad, Father

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• Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

  Earl Nightingale

  Funny, Work, Insperational

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• A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

  Conan O'Brien

  Inspirational, Funny, Women

  69 Copy quote

• If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

  Conan O'Brien

  Funny, Life, Encouraging

  71 Copy quote