Humor Quotes - Page 38

• The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.

  Tacitus

  Courage, Determination, Work

  "Annals". Book by Tacitus, Book XV, 50,

  13 Copy quote

  Show source

• If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain.

  William Howard Taft

  Race, People, Safety

  "Irish Humor". Address in Hot Springs, Virginia, August 05, 1908.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• The difference between utility and utility plus beauty is the difference between telephone wires and the spider web.

  Edwin Way Teale

  Funny, Beauty, Nature

  Edwin Way Teale (1987). “Circle of the seasons: the journal of a naturalist's year”, Olympic Marketing Corp

  21 Copy quote

  Show source

• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

  Shirley Temple

  Funny, Christmas, Mother

  Quoted in Leslie Halliwell, Halliwell's Filmgoer's Companion (1984)

  65 Copy quote

  Show source

• Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

  Joe Theismann

  Funny, Sports, Football

  "Conrad Smith sees USA challenge in all black and white: it's about the win" by Alexander Bisley, www.theguardian.com. October 30, 2014.

  62 Copy quote

  Show source

• If one tends to be a humorous person and you have a sense of humor the rest of your life then you can certainly lighten the load, I think, by bringing that to your trials and tribulations. It's easy to have a sense of humor when everything is going well.

  Alan Thicke

  Humorous, Thinking, Trials

  8 Copy quote

• I'm not one of those famous people flying round the world emoting over every catastrophe. I'm too feeble.

  Kristin Scott Thomas

  Inspiration, People, Flying

  4 Copy quote

• The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.

  Henry David Thoreau

  Funny, Effective Listening, Empathy

  Henry David Thoreau, Nancy L. Rosenblum (1996). “Thoreau: Political Writings”, p.103, Cambridge University Press

  10 Copy quote

  Show source

• Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

  Robin Williams

  Funny, Baseball, Valium

  32 Copy quote

• Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.

  Leo Tolstoy

  Funny, History, People

  12 Copy quote

• You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

  Robin Williams

  Funny, Water, Comedy

  9 Copy quote

• I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

  Lily Tomlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Thinking

  7 Copy quote

• In my opinion MS is a lot better at making money than it is at making good operating systems.

  Linus Torvalds

  Funny, Microsoft, Opinion

  "The Pragmatist of Free Software: Linus Torvalds Interview". Interview with Hiroo Yamagata, www.tlug.jp. September 30, 1997.

  21 Copy quote

  Show source

• When you say 'I wrote a program that crashed Windows,' people just stare at you blankly and say 'Hey, I got those with the system, for free.'

  Linus Torvalds

  Funny, People, Microsoft

  Post to comp.os.linux.development.apps newsgroup, groups.google.com. March 8, 1995.

  19 Copy quote

  Show source

• It's not a stereotype if it's always true.

  Daniel Tosh

  Funny, Stereotype, Jokes

  Song: One, Album: Happy Thoughts, 2011

  17 Copy quote

  Show source

• Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you.

  Herbert Beerbohm Tree

  Humorous, Men, Doe

  "Beerbohm Tree" by Hesketh Pearson, (p. 110), 1956.

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

  Robin Williams

  Love, Funny, Eyebrows

  13 Copy quote

• When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.

  Harry S. Truman

  Funny, Government, Liberty

  Lecture at Columbia University, 28 Apr. 1959, in Truman Speaks (1960) p. 51

  28 Copy quote

  Show source

• Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.

  Harry S. Truman

  Funny, Inspiration, Mean

  13 Copy quote

• Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of the public Lana.

  Lana Turner

  Has Beens, Reserved

  Lana Turner (1982). “Lana--the lady, the legend, the truth”, Dutton Adult

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Funny, Sarcastic

  Mark Twain (2015). “Bite-Size Twain: Wit and Wisdom from the Literary Legend”, p.88, St. Martin's Press

  45 Copy quote

  Show source

• Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Funny, Motivational

  281 Copy quote

• When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'

  Robin Williams

  Funny, Media, Use

  28 Copy quote

• Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

  Flip Wilson

  Fun, Get Well Soon, Humorous

  10 Copy quote

• The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Inspiration, Ignorance

  Mark Twain (2008). “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: A Penguin Enriched eBook Classic”, p.1053, Penguin

  19 Copy quote

  Show source