Humor Quotes - Page 40

• You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

  Tim Vine

  Funny, Hunting, Night

  57 Copy quote

• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Death, Suicide

  37 Copy quote

• If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Writing, Editing

  26 Copy quote

• The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Christmas, Tired

  87 Copy quote

• Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.

  Kurt Vonnegut

  Funny, Smile, Laughter

  FaceBook post by Kurt Vonnegut from Feb 03, 2015

  75 Copy quote

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• I am a deeply superficial person.

  Andy Warhol

  Funny, Drinking, Personality

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  25 Copy quote

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• I don't want to be a man," said Jace. "I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can't confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead." "Well," said Luke, "you're doing a fantastic job.

  Cassandra Clare

  Jobs, Teenager, Men

  Cassandra Clare (2009). “City of Ashes”, p.54, Simon and Schuster

  17 Copy quote

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• When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Children, Kids

  71 Copy quote

• If God dropped acid, would he see people?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Dropping Acid, People

  "The Things I Wish They'd Told Me. As I Was Growing Up". Book by David Rankin, p. 97, 2010.

  54 Copy quote

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• If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Laughing, Forests

  16 Copy quote

• We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them...

  Evelyn Waugh

  Funny, Friendship, Cherish

  "Diaries of Evelyn Waugh" by Evelyn Waugh, (p. 786), 1976.

  19 Copy quote

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• n Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.

  Orson Welles

  Love, Funny, Life

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  102 Copy quote

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• I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Work, Fire

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  18 Copy quote

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• Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Fog, Iron

  11 Copy quote

• I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Way, Ends

  8 Copy quote

• Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

  Mae West

  Love, Funny, Money

  147 Copy quote

• To err is human, but it feels divine.

  Mae West

  Funny, Sexy, Clever

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  42 Copy quote

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• You can say what you like about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.

  Mae West

  Funny, Fashion, Women

  "The Wit and Wisdom of Mae West".

  9 Copy quote

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• I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

  Mae West

  Funny, Witty, Women

  8 Copy quote

• A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.

  Rebecca West

  Funny, Art, Copies

  7 Copy quote

• I don't know which is more discouraging, literature or chickens.

  E. B. White

  Funny, Literature, Chickens

  E. B. White (1989). “The Letters of E. B. White”, Perennial

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• It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Matter, Rooms

  11 Copy quote

• I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Moving, Light

  18 Copy quote

• People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.

  Ron White

  People, Alcohol, Workaholic

  24 Copy quote

• I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones.

  Walt Whitman

  Funny, Sticks, Obesity

  Walt Whitman, Sculley Bradley, Harold W. Blodgett (2008). “Leaves of Grass: A Textual Variorum of the Printed Poems, 1855-1856”, p.25, NYU Press

  16 Copy quote

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