Steven Wright Quotes - Page 21

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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.

Steven Wright

United States, Maps, Size

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Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

Steven Wright

Lasts, Week, Bicycle

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It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to get the joke across in as few words as possible. However, sometimes a word that's not really needed does help the rhythm of it. It's a gut feeling.

Steven Wright

Interesting, Feelings, Doe

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I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

Steven Wright

Want, Politician

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I was skydiving horizontally.

Steven Wright

Funny, Humor, Skydiving

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I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

Steven Wright

Funny, Moving, Humor

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I had my coat hangers spayed.

Steven Wright

Funny, Humor, Coats

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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.

Steven Wright

Wish, Would Be, Lasts

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I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

Steven Wright

Funny, Fall, Humor

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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.

Steven Wright

Stage, Exaggeration, Expressive

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I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.

Steven Wright

Hero, Everyday Things, Talking

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I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.

Steven Wright

Funny, Humor, Height

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Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.

Steven Wright

Kids, People, Laughing

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My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.

Steven Wright

Funny, Friendship, Wall

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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.

Steven Wright

Believe, Yeah, Don't Believe

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The sky already fell. Now what?

Steven Wright

Funny, Humor, Sky

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I can't stop thinking like this.

Steven Wright

Funny, Humor, Thinking

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I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.

Steven Wright

Girlfriend, Wall, Thinking

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Because I don't believe everything I read.

Steven Wright

Believe, Don't Believe

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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>

Steven Wright

Voice, Dull, Said

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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.

Steven Wright

Guy, Stage, Written

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Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it... it feels real."

Steven Wright

Funny, Wall, Real

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Day One: Still tired from the move.

Steven Wright

Moving, Tired, Stills

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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.

Steven Wright

Funny, Humor, Years

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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.

Steven Wright

Thinking, People, Laughing

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Born: December 6, 1955
Occupation: Comedian
Cite this Page: Citation

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