A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'
I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.
Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.
You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
The absolute yearning of one human body for another particular body and its indifference to substitutes is one of life's major mysteries.
Old age has deformities enough of its own. It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Love is an endless mystery, for it has nothing else to explain it.
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.
When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer.
My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma.
My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.
Of course 'we humans' have a funny relationship with the beings with whom we share our planet. We eat them, we care for them, we admire them, we use them.
There is no feeling more comforting and consoling than knowing you are right next to the one you love.
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