Funny Relationship Quotes - Page 5

• Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Echoes, Empty, Mailboxes

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• The General was essentially a man of peace, except in his domestic life.

  Oscar Wilde

  Men, Luck, Domestic Life

  Oscar Wilde, Peter Raby (2008). “The Importance of Being Earnest and Other Plays: Lady Windermere's Fan; Salome; A Woman of No Importance; An Ideal Husband; The Importance of Being Earnest”, p.306, Oxford Paperbacks

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• When a man is in love or in debt, someone else has the advantage.

  Bill Ballance

  Love, Men, Debt

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• In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?

  Warren Hutcherson

  Funny, School, Humor

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• My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there.

  Carrie Fisher

  Love, Witty, Funny Valentines Day

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• It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

  Spike Milligan

  Perfect, Want

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• The only people who make love all the time are liars.

  Louis Jordan

  Love, Liars, Lying

  "Fictional character: Gaston Lachaille". "Gigi", www.imdb.com. 1958.

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• A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

  Conan O'Brien

  Inspirational, Funny, Women

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• Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Sex, Men, Hands

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• We talk about the quality of product and service. What about the quality of our relationships and the quality of our communications and the quality of our promises to each other?

  Max De Pree

  Relationship, Communication, Promise

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• I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don't wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too.

  Maria Bamford

  Relationship, Kissing, Shopping

  "Comedy Central Presents (Maria Bamford)". TV Series, July 2, 2001.

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• It was the love of love, the love of swallows up all else, a grateful love, a love of natural, of people, of animals, a love ingengering gentleness and goodness that moved meand that I saw in you

  William Carlos Williams

  Love, Grateful, Animal

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• When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.

  Garry Shandling

  Funny, Sleep, Legs

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• You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.'

  Ellen DeGeneres

  Breathing, Nerves, Littles

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• He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Friendship, Sarcastic

  "The Works of Oscar Wilde".

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• I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.

  Frank Skinner

  Wife, Share, Humour

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• Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.

  Ralph Wycherley

  Funny, Children, Light

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• It's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party.

  Nick Hornby

  Relationship, Boyfriend, Husband

  Nick Hornby (1996). “High Fidelity”, p.128, Penguin

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• The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

  Ronnie Claire Edwards

  Relationship, Keys, Giving

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• Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

  Ogden Nash

  Relationship, Marriage, Funny Birthday

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

  Laura Kightlinger

  Dating, Bad Marriage, Should

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• The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Relationship, Marriage

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• Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? "Damn I got to get the hell out of here!" "What was I thinking!"

  Dave Attell

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  TV Series "Comedy Central Presents" ("Dave Attell", 1999), (1998– ).

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• A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

  Ronnie Shakes

  People, Mind, Wonder

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• Tenderness emerges from the fact that the two persons, longing, as all individuals do, to overcome the separateness and isolation to which we are all heir because we are individuals, can participate in a relationship that, for the moment, is not of two isolated selves but a union

  Rollo May

  Love, Life, Self

  "Love and Will". Book by Rollo May (p. 313), 1969.

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