Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
Good people drink good beer.
I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
I drink to make other people interesting.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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