Drunk Quotes - Page 39

• I'm not for drunk driving - however, the states ought to decide. Different states have different penalties for drunk driving because they're states and they get to do that. If people of one state want to be lighter on drunk drivers, they're wrong. That's their business.

  Tucker Carlson

  People, Different, Want

  "The Situation" with Tucker Carlson, www.nbcnews.com. June 17, 2005.

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• So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.

  Dave Attell

  Funny, Humor, Style

  "Skanks for the Memories". Comedy album by Dave Attell, 2003.

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• Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.

  Doug Stanhope

  Funny, Humor, Complaining

  "Doug Stanhope: Deadbeat Hero". Comedy, August 24, 2004.

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• Newly released transcripts reveal that President Nixon was drunk during the Arab-Israeli crisis of 1973. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'Hey, so was I!'

  Conan O'Brien

  President, Hey, Hearing

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• Ride your emotions as the shallop rides the waves; don't get upset among them. There are people who enjoy getting swamped emotionally, just as, incredibly, there are people who enjoy getting drunk.

  Mary Hunter Austin

  People, Upset, Emotion

  Mary Hunter Austin, Maxwell Aley (1925). “Everyman's genius”

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• Joy, thou spark from Heav'n immortal,
  Daughter of Elysium!
  Drunk with fire, toward Heaven advancing
  Goddess, to thy shrine we come.
  Thy sweet magic brings together
  What stern Custom spreads afar;
  All men become brothers
  Where thy happy wing-beats are.

  Friedrich Schiller

  Daughter, Sweet, Brother

  "Ode to Joy" by Friedrich Schiller, (Stanza 1), 1785.

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• One man affirms that he has rode post a hundred miles in six hours; probably it is a lie; but supposing it to be true, what then? Why, he is a very good post-boy; that is all. Another asserts, and probably not without oaths, that he has drunk six or eight bottles of wine at a sitting; out of charity I will believe him a liar; for if I do not, I must think him a beast.

  Lord Chesterfield

  Liars, Lying, Believe

  Lord Chesterfield, David Roberts (2008). “Lord Chesterfield's Letters”, p.104, Oxford University Press

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• As kings are begotten and born like other men, it is to be presumed that they are of the human species; and perhaps, had they thesame education, they might prove like other men. But, flattered from their cradles, their hearts are corrupted, and their heads are turned, so that they seem to be a species by themselves.... Flattery cannot be too strong for them; drunk with it from their infancy, like old drinkers, they require dreams.

  Lord Chesterfield

  Dream, Strong, Kings

  Lord Philip Dormer Stanhope Chesterfield, Philip Dormer Stanhope Earl of Chesterfield (1855). “The Works of Lord Chesterfield: Including His Letters to His Son, Etc : to which is Prefixed, an Original Life of the Author”, p.621

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• Belfastas uncivilised as ever--savage black mothers in houses of dark red brick, friendly manufacturers too drunk to entertain you when you arrive. It amuses me till I get tired.

  E. M. Forster

  Mother, Tired, Dark

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• The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The White House said, 'no no,' that they have payroll records to show that he served in the National Guard. But today, the commanding officers can't remember seeing Bush between May and October of '72. President Bush said, 'Remember me? I'm the drunk guy. Remember me?'

  Jay Leno

  White, House, Guy

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• Prosperity too often has the same effect on a Christian that a calm at sea has on a Dutch mariner; who frequently, it is said, in those circumstances, ties up the rudder, gets drunk, and goes to sleep.

  William Cornelius Van Horne

  Christian, Sleep, Sea

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• Beware the deadly fumes of that insane elation Which rises from the cup of mad impiety, And go, get drunk with that divine intoxication Which is more sober far than all sobriety.

  William Rounseville Alger

  Mad, Sobriety, Insane

  William Rounseville Alger (1874). “The Poetry of the Orient”, p.167

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• The man that gets drunk is little else than a fool, And is in the habit, no doubt, of advocating for Home Rule; But the best Home Rule for him, as far as I can understand, Is the abolition of strong drink from the land.

  William Topaz McGonagall

  Strong, Home, Men

  William Topaz McGonagall, “The Demon Drink”

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• Anyone who shoots a real gun at you when drunk and angry is simply not husband material, regardless of his taste in literature.

  James Tiptree Jr.

  Husband, Real, Gun

  James Tiptree Jr.'s letter, quoted in Julie Phillips "James Tiptree Jr: The Double Life of Alice B. Sheldon", 2006.

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• Faith is trusting Jesus to lead us and going where He leads. What avails it to me to analyze Saratoga water, and to believe in its virtues? I must drink the water if I want its purifying power. And the soul that has not actually drunk of Christ can never be purged from sin.

  Theodore L. Cuyler

  Jesus, Believe, Water

  "Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers". Book by Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert, p. 227, 1895.

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• You do not really wish to hear more of the Battle of Kadesh. Let me say only that human fat, gorged in considerable quantity, has an intoxicating effect. I became ... drunk.

  Norman Mailer

  Battle, Wish, Fats

  Norman Mailer (2013). “Ancient Evenings: A Novel”, p.410, Random House

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• And in cases where profound conviction has been wrought, the eloquent man is he who is no beautiful speaker, but who is inwardly drunk with a certain belief. It agitates and tears him, and perhaps almost bereaves him of the power of articulation.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Beautiful, Men, Profound

  Ralph Waldo Emerson (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ralph Waldo Emerson (Illustrated)”, p.2432, Delphi Classics

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• Not only is the old man twice a child, but also the man who is drunk.

  Plato

  Children, Men, He Man

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• It would be pleasant to be drunk.

  Anne Sexton

  Would Be, Pleasant

  Anne Sexton (1964). “Selected poems”

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• I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.

  David Feherty

  Drinking, Games, Challenges

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• One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.

  Aziz Ansari

  Men, Goal, Making Love

  "Fictional character: Tom Haverford". TV Series "Parks and Recreation" ("Andy and April's Fancy Party", 2011), 2009-2015.

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• Everyone gets drunk and makes out with the wrong guy sometimes.

  RuPaul

  Guy, Sometimes, Make Out

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• POSSIBLE OPENERS AFTER YOU'VE GOTTEN DRUNK AND SLEPT IN YOUR GUY ROOMMATE'S BED (A LIST):1. Hey, Drew, thanks for letting me sleep in your bed. I hope I didn't puke all over your sheets.2. What do you mean? I slept in your bed? Really? I don't remember any of it, I was so wasted.3. Thanks for not trying to molest me.

  Lauren Barnholdt

  Mean, Sleep, Guy

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• When I was doing drugs and alcohol, I thought I'll have a drink and a line of this and I'll smoke this. I didn't go, 'Then I'm going to go out and get drunk, come back strangle my wife and wake up in jail on charges of attempted murder,' but that's what happened. I'm not telling people what to do. If they can enjoy doing it and they get on with it and they can handle it fine, but don't involve me. I'm lucky to be alive; you're playing with Russian roulette.

  Ozzy Osbourne

  Lucky To Be Alive, Jail, People

  Source: www.foxnews.com

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• I go on the road all the time, but I'm only performing for two hours a night, and then I'll do a meet-and-greet, and then I'll get a bite to eat, get drunk, pass out, wake up the next day, sleeping the next day, sleeping off the hangover, and then I'm in the next city.

  Gabriel Iglesias

  Hangover, Sleep, Night

  "Comedian Gabriel Iglesias bares his soul in 'The Fluffy Movie'". Interview with Angela Dawson, www.axs.com. July 24, 2014.

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