Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
The main purpose of the stock market is to make fools of as many men as possible.
The sad thing about artificial intelligence is that it lacks artifice and therefore intelligence.
The Church is not a gallery for the exhibition of eminent Christians, but a school for the education of imperfect ones.
Heaven will be inherited by every man who has heaven in his soul.
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
I am on the right wing of the middle of the road and with a strong radical bias.
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
This island is made mainly of coal and surrounded by fish. Only an organizing genius could produce a shortage of coal and fish at the same time.
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.
Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.
When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.
In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.
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