We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans.
I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well.
An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard one side of the case. God has written all the books.
The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.
Those who have never had a father can at any rate never know the sweets of losing one. To most men the death of his father is a new lease of life.
Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done".
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
The old cathedrals are good, but the great blue dome that hangs over everything is better.
Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.
What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.
Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.
Famous people come up to me, but I don't know who they are because my sight is so bad. It's always at the pool of the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills when I don't have my lenses in and my glasses are in my room.
Some things are easier to legalize than to legitimate.
To help a friend in need is easy, but to give him your time is not always opportune.
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