Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle? One piece.
During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland.
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon.
2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"
My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"
Old teachers never die, they just grade away.
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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