Henny Youngman Quotes - Page 7

Quotes about:

• The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Golf

  8 Copy quote

• I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Sexy, Confused

  5 Copy quote

• I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Horse, Humor

  17 Copy quote

• I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.

  Henny Youngman

  Girl, Night, Lasts

  7 Copy quote

• I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?

  Henny Youngman

  Believe, Alive, Reincarnation

  Henny Youngman (1994). “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet

  6 Copy quote

• Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Couple, Humor

  10 Copy quote

• A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Keys

  5 Copy quote

• Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

  Henny Youngman

  Married

  7 Copy quote

• I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange.

  Henny Youngman

  Christmas, Waiting, Wonderful

  9 Copy quote

• My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Wife

  4 Copy quote

• I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.

  Henny Youngman

  Airplane, Vegas, Gambling

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

• My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Horse, Humor

  28 Copy quote

• Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Order

  Henny Youngman (1994). “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet

  15 Copy quote

• You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Comedy

  7 Copy quote

• Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.

  Henny Youngman

  Marrying

  Henny Youngman (1994). “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet

  14 Copy quote

• Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Wine, Humor

  6 Copy quote

• I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

  Henny Youngman

  Taken, Men, Car

  8 Copy quote

• I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.

  Henny Youngman

  Needs, Saving, Tomorrow

  6 Copy quote

• On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?

  Henny Youngman

  Girl, Dancing, Ballet

  8 Copy quote

• 2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything."

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, New York, Humor

  7 Copy quote

• A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.

  Henny Youngman

  Giving Up, Dollars, Motels

  10 Copy quote

• I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.

  Henny Youngman

  Suicide, Killing, Commit

  8 Copy quote

• Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Wife

  7 Copy quote

• I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Men

  4 Copy quote

• If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked?

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Sex, Humorous

  4 Copy quote

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