If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
When Andy died, I just drank to dumb my mind.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
I can no more think of my own life without thinking of wine and wines and where they grew for me and why I drank them when I did and why I picked the grapes and where I opened the oldest procurable bottles, and all that, than I can remember living before I breathed.
When I drank, I had a very different attitude towards my playing. It was sloppier but I kind of liked it that way. It was like the alcohol was telling my mind what to do.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I drink to make other people interesting.
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