Funny Quotes - Page 40

• I've always had a theory that some of us are born with nerve endings longer than our bodies

  Joy Harjo

  Humorous, Musician, Nerves

  Joy Harjo (1990). “In Mad Love and War”, p.21, Wesleyan University Press

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• Humanism was not invented by man, but by a snake who suggested that the quest for autonomy might be a good idea.

  R. C. Sproul

  Humorous, Men, Snakes

  42 Copy quote

• Buy real records in real shops, or I'll come round your house and scream at your mother.

  Ian Gillan

  Mother, Real, House

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• After forty a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face. My advice is to keep your face, and stay sitting down.

  Barbara Cartland

  Birthday, Women, Sunset

  Quoted in Times (London), 6 Oct. 1993.

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• I believe that all women are pretty without makeup- but with the right makeup can be pretty powerful.

  Bobbi Brown

  Beauty, Beautiful, Powerful

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• Sure, I have advice for people starting to write. Don't. I don't need the competition.

  Robert B. Parker

  Writing, People, Advice

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• The only church that illuminates is a burning church.

  Buenaventura Durruti

  Religious, Humorous, Illumination

  "The Monstrosity of Christ : Paradox or Dialectic?". Book by Creston Davis, 2009.

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• A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.

  Jay Leno

  Christmas, Humorous, Perfect

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• Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris.

  Larry Wall

  Technology, Three, Laziness

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• You only have to solve two problems when going to the moon: first, how to get there; and second, how to get back. The key is don't leave until you have solved both problems.

  Jim Rohn

  Inspirational, Success, Humorous

  FaceBook post by Jim Rohn from May 26, 2015

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• Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'

  Joan Rivers

  Sarcastic, Children, Humorous

  Twitter post from Apr 09, 2014

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• Never draw anything you can copy, never copy anything you can trace, never trace anything you can cut out and paste up.

  Wally Wood

  Inspirational, Humorous, Cutting

  73 Copy quote

• If you believe in Odin and Thor, people laugh themselves to death. While it's okay to believe in a man who turned water into wine, and walked on water

  Mads Mikkelsen

  God, Jesus, Atheist

  142 Copy quote

• That’s why you call it a budget.  You set it and you don’t budge.

  Jennifer Morrison

  Budgeting, Actresses, Finance

  60 Copy quote

• I never wanted to go on stage alone because if you mess up, who can you blame?

  Patti LaBelle

  Humorous, Entrepreneur, African American

  FaceBook post by Patti LaBelle from Jan 24, 2013

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• Soccer is a game for 22 people that run around, play the ball, and one referee who makes a slew of mistakes, and in the end Germany always wins.

  Gary Lineker

  Soccer, Running, Mistake

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• Yes, I thought I was joining Manchester United, I was misled by all involved. I wasnt aware of another Manchester team

  Robinho

  Sports, Football, Team

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• While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

  Jim Norton

  Forgiveness, Humorous, Power

  Jim Norton (2008). “I Hate Your Guts”, p.158, Simon and Schuster

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• If it turns out that President Barack Obama can make a deal with the most intransigent, hard-line, unreasonable, totalitarian mullahs in the world but not with Republicans? Maybe he's not the problem.

  Jon Stewart

  Usa, America, Political

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• Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

  Kinky Friedman

  Running, Morning, Work

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• Yes. I guess it's the foolish romantic in me, but you see, I don’t think that sex is my Muse.

  Peter Murphy

  Romantic, Sex, Humorous

  Peter Murphy (2015). “Lagan Love”, p.81, Fiction Studio Books

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• When I was young, I believed in three things: Marxism, the redemptive power of cinema, and dynamite. Now I just believe in dynamite.

  Sergio Leone

  Movie, Humorous, Believe

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• Art is so often better at theology than theology is.

  Christian Wiman

  Art, Paradox, Theology

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• Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.

  Dick Brandon

  Movie, Sex, Humorous

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• Anything that gets you to release the stress in your life and really laugh is worthwhile. It can heal the planet. It truly can, and it actually has.

  Lucie Arnaz

  Laughter, Stress, Healing

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