Funny Quotes - Page 39

• I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

  Victor Hugo

  Horse, Women, Long

  20 Copy quote

• Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and I can go out.

  Matthew Broderick

  Baby, Parenting, Views

  47 Copy quote

• Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

  Erma Bombeck

  Witty, Humorous, Vacation

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession”, p.14, Open Road Media

  32 Copy quote

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• I'm not a lesbian, but my girlfriend is.

  Gina Gershon

  Love, Girlfriend, Humorous

  8 Copy quote

• They have dog food for constipated dogs. If your dog is constipated, why screw up a good thing? Stay indoors and let 'em bloat!

  David Letterman

  Dog, Screw Ups, Ems

  8 Copy quote

• Bulldogs have been known to fall on their swords when confronted by my superior tenacity.

  Margaret Halsey

  Dog, Fall, Tenacity

  Margaret Halsey (1977). “No Laughing Matter: The Autobiography of a Wasp”, Lippincott Williams & Wilkins

  88 Copy quote

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• It is fatal to let any dog know that he is funny, for he immediately loses his head and starts hamming it up.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Dog, Knows, Loses

  11 Copy quote

• The dog is dressed just like me at the climax of my act.

  Gypsy Rose Lee

  Dog, Like Me, Climax

  10 Copy quote

• Stevie Wonder always smells so good... I'm like a DEA dog, I can smell people a block away!

  Gloria Estefan

  Dog, Block, Smell

  7 Copy quote

• Thank God for machines. They can make a dog sing!

  Christopher Atkins

  Dog, Thank God, Machines

  7 Copy quote

• It sometimes takes days, even weeks, before a dog's nerves tire. In the case of terriers it can run into months.

  E. B. White

  Running, Dog, Nerves

  7 Copy quote

• If you really love guitar, you're going to spend every waking hour stroking the thing.

  Frank Zappa

  Inspiring, Guitar, Waking

  11 Copy quote

• Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Thank You, Mean, People

  Jimmy Fallon, the Writers of Late Night (2011). “Thank You Notes”, p.181, Hachette UK

  86 Copy quote

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• The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last.

  Gene Wilder

  Suspense, Lasts, Terrible

  338 Copy quote

• If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

  Regina Brett

  Relationship, Women, Secret

  17 Copy quote

• Yes. I guess it's the foolish romantic in me, but you see, I don’t think that sex is my Muse.

  Peter Murphy

  Romantic, Sex, Humorous

  Peter Murphy (2015). “Lagan Love”, p.81, Fiction Studio Books

  83 Copy quote

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• Paul Ryan's love for Rage Against The Machine is amusing, because he is the embodiment of the machine that our music has been raging against for two decades

  Tom Morello

  Music, Two, Political

  65 Copy quote

• Buy real records in real shops, or I'll come round your house and scream at your mother.

  Ian Gillan

  Mother, Real, House

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  65 Copy quote

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• Humanism was not invented by man, but by a snake who suggested that the quest for autonomy might be a good idea.

  R. C. Sproul

  Humorous, Men, Snakes

  42 Copy quote

• When I was young, I believed in three things: Marxism, the redemptive power of cinema, and dynamite. Now I just believe in dynamite.

  Sergio Leone

  Movie, Humorous, Believe

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  102 Copy quote

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• Art is so often better at theology than theology is.

  Christian Wiman

  Art, Paradox, Theology

  53 Copy quote

• After forty a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face. My advice is to keep your face, and stay sitting down.

  Barbara Cartland

  Birthday, Women, Sunset

  Quoted in Times (London), 6 Oct. 1993.

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• Anything that gets you to release the stress in your life and really laugh is worthwhile. It can heal the planet. It truly can, and it actually has.

  Lucie Arnaz

  Laughter, Stress, Healing

  6 Copy quote

• The only church that illuminates is a burning church.

  Buenaventura Durruti

  Religious, Humorous, Illumination

  "The Monstrosity of Christ : Paradox or Dialectic?". Book by Creston Davis, 2009.

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• In my time at Anfield we always said we had the best two teams on Merseyside - Liverpool and Liverpool reserves.

  Bill Shankly

  Soccer, Sports, Football

  79 Copy quote