Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 3

Quotes about:

• We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Relationship, Marriage

  33 Copy quote

• I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Good Morning, Humor

  28 Copy quote

• I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Calendars

  24 Copy quote

• When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Respect, Kids, No Friends

  7 Copy quote

• To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Two, Waiting

  25 Copy quote

• One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Night

  25 Copy quote

• I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Thinking, Doctors, Wife

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.178, Zondervan

  17 Copy quote

• This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Morning, Laughing, Guy

  28 Copy quote

• I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Zoos, Children, Kids

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.22, Zondervan

  13 Copy quote

• I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Teeth, Dinner

  "It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs". Book by Rodney Dangerfield, p. 18, 2004.

  25 Copy quote

• My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny Love, Love You, Dark

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  35 Copy quote

• I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Home, Humor

  17 Copy quote

• I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Bisexual, Years

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.69, Zondervan

  19 Copy quote

• Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Bed, Opinion

  24 Copy quote

• What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Children, Kids, Childhood

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.25, Zondervan

  24 Copy quote

• I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Reading, Humor

  94 Copy quote

• I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Girl, Waiting, Way

  4 Copy quote

• When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Respect, Kids, Looks

  22 Copy quote

• I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Drug, Say No To Drugs, Ask Me

  52 Copy quote

• My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Dad, Father

  49 Copy quote

• I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Two, Guy, Radio

  4 Copy quote

• I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Witty, Real

  64 Copy quote

• With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Dog, Humor

  10 Copy quote

• My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Wife, Car

  25 Copy quote

• When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Doctors, Confusion, Looks

  7 Copy quote

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