Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 8

Quotes about:

• Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Love, Marriage, Thinking

  16 Copy quote

• My wife gives good headache.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Marriage, Giving, Wife

  15 Copy quote

• Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Size, Receipts

  12 Copy quote

• What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Kids

  13 Copy quote

• I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Wife

  12 Copy quote

• My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Son, Golf, Ankles

  4 Copy quote

• What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Dog, Pet, Arms

  12 Copy quote

• He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Cover Ups, Arms, Way

  13 Copy quote

• My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Dog, Wife, Worst

  8 Copy quote

• I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Real, Moving

  4 Copy quote

• I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect. With me, you show respect. So I changed the image to I don't get no respect. I tried it out in Greenwich Village. I remember the first joke I told: Even as a kid, I'd play hide and seek and the other kids wouldn't even look for me. The people laughed. After the show, they started saying to me, Me, too - I don't get no respect. I figured, let's try it again.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Kids, Play, People

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  15 Copy quote

• My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Eye

  11 Copy quote

• My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Cousin, School

  8 Copy quote

• My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Men, Checks, Allowance

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.21, Zondervan

  11 Copy quote

• I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Hurt, Real

  12 Copy quote

• My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Stars, Night, Wife

  12 Copy quote

• I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Beach, Children, Parent

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

• My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Problem, Appeals, Can Do

  12 Copy quote

• I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Wife

  10 Copy quote

• We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Kids, Dollars, Want

  11 Copy quote

• I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Sexy, Humor

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.94, Zondervan

  13 Copy quote

• I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sports, Fighting, Hockey

  66 Copy quote

• I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Beautiful, Girl, Mets

  9 Copy quote

• I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Bed, Yeah

  10 Copy quote

• She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Ugly, Faces, Sundials

  9 Copy quote

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