Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 6

Quotes about:

• If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  12 Copy quote

• I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Uncles, Stupid

  15 Copy quote

• Comedy is a camouflage for depression.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Camouflage, Comedy

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  24 Copy quote

• I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Suicidal

  14 Copy quote

• And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girlfriend, Humor

  4 Copy quote

• People seldom live up to their baby pictures.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Birthday, Baby, Baby Pictures

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  21 Copy quote

• I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Crazy, Home

  7 Copy quote

• I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Girl, Dating, Guy

  6 Copy quote

• My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Jealousy, Wife, Calendars

  27 Copy quote

• I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Ifs

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.21, Zondervan

  9 Copy quote

• I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Perfect

  12 Copy quote

• Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Two

  8 Copy quote

• I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Mother, Humor

  12 Copy quote

• Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Cake

  7 Copy quote

• You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Tonight, Pops, Our Family

  28 Copy quote

• When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Cat

  77 Copy quote

• Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Guy, Getting Older, Sitting

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.60, Zondervan

  13 Copy quote

• My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Dog, Doors, Bedroom

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

• When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Mother, Sex

  8 Copy quote

• I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Lovers

  11 Copy quote

• With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Respect, Home, Men

  7 Copy quote

• My life is nothing but pressure. All pressure. This pressure is like a heaviness. It's always on top of me, this heaviness. It's always there since I'm a kid. Other people wake up in the morning, 'A new day! Ah, up and at 'em!' I wake up, the heaviness is waiting for me nice. Sometimes I even talk to it. I say [adopts cheerful voice] 'Hi, heaviness!' and the heaviness looks back at me, [in an ominous growl] 'Today you're gonna get it good. You'll be drinking early today.'

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Morning, Nice, Drinking

  "Rodney Dangerfield's It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime Of No Respect But Plenty Of Sex And Drugs" by Nathan Rabin, film.avclub.com. April 28, 2011.

  15 Copy quote

• I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Mean, Boys, Night

  10 Copy quote

• I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Suicidal

  23 Copy quote

• When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Cancer, Kids, Men

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.19, Zondervan

  13 Copy quote

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