Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 4

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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Rodney Dangerfield

Happy, Fathers Day, Dad

"R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield", www.indiewire.com. October 6, 2004.

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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

Rodney Dangerfield

Doctors, Confusion, Looks

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A hooker once told me she had a headache.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Humor, Headache

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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

Rodney Dangerfield

Two, Guy, Radio

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I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

Rodney Dangerfield

Car, Radio

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For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Humor, Eye

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When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up.

Rodney Dangerfield

Fighting, Parent, Custody

Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.20, Zondervan

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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

Rodney Dangerfield

Respect, Flight, Dishes

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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Dog, Egypt

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My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

Rodney Dangerfield

Real, Golf, Games

Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.143, Zondervan

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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Witty, Sex

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I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.

Rodney Dangerfield

Sorry, Rain, People

"Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.

Rodney Dangerfield

Laughing, Lasts, Firsts

Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.122, Zondervan

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I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.

Rodney Dangerfield

Cheating, Thinking, Wife

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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Life Is, Situation

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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.

Rodney Dangerfield

Cutting, Two, Wife

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My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.

Rodney Dangerfield

Scotch, Missing, Bottles

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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

Rodney Dangerfield

Self, Jerk, Neighbor

Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.152, Zondervan

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When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.

Rodney Dangerfield

Home, Lakes, Water

Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.28, Zondervan

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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.

Rodney Dangerfield

Mother, Running, Respect

Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.32, Zondervan

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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Humor, Kids

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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.

Rodney Dangerfield

Drinking, Juice, Viagra

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.

Rodney Dangerfield

Horse, Gun, Gambling

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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

Rodney Dangerfield

Wife, Chocolate, Antlers

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One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

Rodney Dangerfield

Night, House, Action

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Born: November 22, 1921
Died: October 5, 2004
Occupation: Comedian
Cite this Page: Citation

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