Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 5

Quotes about:

• My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Baseball, Father, Play

  11 Copy quote

• I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Wife

  19 Copy quote

• I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  50 Copy quote

• You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Beach, Believe, Men

  15 Copy quote

• I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Yellow, Ties

  90 Copy quote

• The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Night, Muggers, Mask

  13 Copy quote

• What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Dog, Reading

  15 Copy quote

• I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Self

  9 Copy quote

• What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Doctors, Hammers, Balls

  21 Copy quote

• I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Kids

  13 Copy quote

• My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Good Morning, Mother

  85 Copy quote

• They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Home, Night, Men

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.37, Zondervan

  17 Copy quote

• In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Teacher, School

  16 Copy quote

• Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Mean, Night, Getting Older

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.61, Zondervan

  9 Copy quote

• I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  64 Copy quote

• I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Suicide, Respect, Prevention

  11 Copy quote

• I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Drinking, Sleep, Doctors

  12 Copy quote

• My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Family, Uncles

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.35, Zondervan

  25 Copy quote

• I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Motivational, Comedy

  10 Copy quote

• It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Marriage, Dog, Couple

  24 Copy quote

• What a childhood I had - I was ten years old when I
  found out Alpo was dog food.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Dog, Years, Childhood

  15 Copy quote

• She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, School, Humor

  24 Copy quote

• When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Clever, Smart

  9 Copy quote

• My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Fighting, Thinking

  12 Copy quote

• I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Two

  16 Copy quote

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