Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 9

Quotes about:

• She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Four

  12 Copy quote

• There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Wife

  7 Copy quote

• I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Suicidal, Kids, Cutting

  "It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs". Book by Rodney Dangerfield, p. 4, 2004.

  9 Copy quote

• Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Ties

  7 Copy quote

• It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Lonely, Bottom, Lonely At The Top

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  12 Copy quote

• During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girlfriend, Sex

  "R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield". www.indiewire.com. October 6, 2004.

  11 Copy quote

• With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Respect, Hands, Wife

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.83, Zondervan

  8 Copy quote

• If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Country, Men, Wife

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  10 Copy quote

• I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Stupid, Father

  7 Copy quote

• At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Boys

  4 Copy quote

• I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Mirrors, Bottles

  10 Copy quote

• My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Kids, Scotch, Bird

  10 Copy quote

• When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Morning, Four, Flight

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  12 Copy quote

• I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Teeth, Four, Want

  10 Copy quote

• Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Kids

  9 Copy quote

• I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Money, Successful, Men

  17 Copy quote

• I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Girl, Southern, Made

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.53, Zondervan

  7 Copy quote

• It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Inspirational, Motivational, Nice

  9 Copy quote

• I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  4 Copy quote

• I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Running, Respect, Romance

  13 Copy quote

• My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Believe, Humor

  10 Copy quote

• I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Inspirational, Sex, Thinking

  4 Copy quote

• Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Acting, Doe, Actors

  15 Copy quote

• One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Wife

  9 Copy quote

• My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Mom, Dog

  7 Copy quote

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