Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 13

Quotes about:

• My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Mother, Humor

  13 Copy quote

• With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Girl, Respect, Dancer

  5 Copy quote

• I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, House

  4 Copy quote

• I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Thinking, People, Southern

  4 Copy quote

• At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Smoking, Cigarette

  7 Copy quote

• Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Baby, Lovely Lady, Wife

  "Fictional character: Al Czervik". "Caddyshack", www.imdb.com. 1980.

  7 Copy quote

• I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  9 Copy quote

• My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Car

  5 Copy quote

• Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Wife, Groups

  6 Copy quote

• My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  7 Copy quote

• [on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Half, Week, Hours

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  4 Copy quote

• You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Two, Laughing, Car

  7 Copy quote

• If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Fire, Making Love, Ifs

  6 Copy quote

• It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

• I can't get no respect.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Complaining, No Respect, Complaints

  4 Copy quote

• To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Ideas, Giving, Quitting

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.55, Zondervan

  6 Copy quote

• Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Lying, Car

  4 Copy quote

• When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Bed, Opinion

  6 Copy quote

• She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Clothes, Tents, Omar

  4 Copy quote

• My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Suicidal

  7 Copy quote

• I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  6 Copy quote

• My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Family, Growing Up

  4 Copy quote

• With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Birthday, Men, Wife

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.34, Zondervan

  7 Copy quote

• I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Doctors

  4 Copy quote

• I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Inspiring, Money

  7 Copy quote

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