Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 15

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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

Rodney Dangerfield

Wife, Said, My Wife

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I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

Rodney Dangerfield

Sex, Wife, My Wife

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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!

Rodney Dangerfield

Mother, Pittsburgh, Found

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My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Humor, Wife

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Life is just a bowl of pits.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Success, Humor

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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Humor, Self

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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.

Rodney Dangerfield

Morning, Wind, People

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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

Rodney Dangerfield

Hook, Mouths, Lasts

Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.141, Zondervan

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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.

Rodney Dangerfield

Wife, Garbage, Should

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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Cousin, Humor

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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.

Rodney Dangerfield

Clothes, Stores, Bigs

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Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

Rodney Dangerfield

Good Day, Challenges, Today

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Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

Rodney Dangerfield

Hey, Shack, Getting Laid

Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.143, Zondervan

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We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the homes of the kids I went to school with. I had to go to the back doors to make the deliveries. It was embarrassing. That was one thing out of a hundred.

Rodney Dangerfield

Home, School, Kids

"Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

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I don't get no respect

Rodney Dangerfield

Tombstone, No Respect

Quoted in N.Y. Times, 14 June 1970

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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.

Rodney Dangerfield

Mother, Father, Childhood

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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).

Rodney Dangerfield

Kings, Two, Bed

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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

Rodney Dangerfield

Girl, Sex, Blow

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Born: November 22, 1921
Died: October 5, 2004
Occupation: Comedian
Cite this Page: Citation

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