Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 14

Quotes about:

• I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Happiness, Writing, Reality

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

• My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Cousin, Gay, London

  63 Copy quote

• After I got divorced, I said to myself, I will never, ever get married again. It was in cement. I went through a really rough twenty-five years, but it happened again. I fell in love. I told her, Baby, I don't want a prenuptial agreement. This is it. Everyone told me I was nuts. Well, my new wife and I are married six years and we get along great. You can make anything work if you're both givers.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Baby, Agreement, Years

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  5 Copy quote

• I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Confidence, Doctors, Giving

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

• When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Father, Humor

  4 Copy quote

• You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Disappointment, Eight, Know It All

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

• I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Said, My Wife

  4 Copy quote

• I don't get no respect, no respect at all!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Respect, No Respect

  Song: Rappin' Rodney, Album: Rappin' Rodney

  4 Copy quote

• One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Mother, Pittsburgh, Found

  10 Copy quote

• If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Writing, Comedian, Littles

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.31, Zondervan

  6 Copy quote

• My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Pounds, Lost

  4 Copy quote

• When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Children, Parent, Pay

  4 Copy quote

• Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Hook, Mouths, Lasts

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.141, Zondervan

  7 Copy quote

• They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Change, Bed, Sheets

  7 Copy quote

• What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Men, Childhood, My Birthday

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.18, Zondervan

  4 Copy quote

• My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Years, Wife

  8 Copy quote

• The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  7 Copy quote

• I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girl, Morning

  9 Copy quote

• What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Dog, Humor

  8 Copy quote

• Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Men, Waiting, Tides

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.77, Zondervan

  10 Copy quote

• I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sitting, World, Hemorrhoids

  22 Copy quote

• I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Figures, Whole Life, Downers

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  17 Copy quote

• Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Good Day, Challenges, Today

  4 Copy quote

• My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Cousin, Humor

  4 Copy quote

• I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Kids, Knows

  4 Copy quote

Page 14 of 15

First

← Prev

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

Next →

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin