Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 10

Quotes about:

• I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Machines, Alive

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.155, Zondervan

  9 Copy quote

• My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias. Well, only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with a bulls-eye on the back. I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Home, Mean, Kids

  39 Copy quote

• When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Mother, Sex

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• I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Mirrors, Bottles

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• My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Life Is Like, Rope

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• He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Cover Ups, Arms, Way

  13 Copy quote

• Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Blood, Comedy

  8 Copy quote

• I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sexy, School, High School

  7 Copy quote

• All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Fighting, Night

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.28, Zondervan

  10 Copy quote

• One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Boys, Years, Birth Control

  9 Copy quote

• What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Kids

  13 Copy quote

• I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Freak

  8 Copy quote

• Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Home, Wife, Pot

  6 Copy quote

• I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Attitude, Teenager, World

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

• It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Inspirational, Motivational, Nice

  9 Copy quote

• I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Couple, Humor

  6 Copy quote

• My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Cute, Boyfriend

  20 Copy quote

• It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Lonely, Bottom, Lonely At The Top

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  11 Copy quote

• Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Kids

  9 Copy quote

• With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Girl, Thinking, Mirrors

  8 Copy quote

• A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Heaven, Three, Tails

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  6 Copy quote

• Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Dad, Humor

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• I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girl, Humorous

  9 Copy quote

• A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Men

  7 Copy quote

• You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Life, Names, Salary

  8 Copy quote

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