Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 12

Quotes about:

• Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Kids, Dancer, Littles

  4 Copy quote

• School is a place were you go to eat your lunch

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, School, Lunch

  4 Copy quote

• Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Motivational, Positive, Work

  25 Copy quote

• She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Fats

  9 Copy quote

• I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Girl, Dating, Parent

  8 Copy quote

• I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Subway

  8 Copy quote

• I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  8 Copy quote

• I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wall, Stupid, Son

  4 Copy quote

• With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Morning, Sex, Night

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.117, Zondervan

  11 Copy quote

• My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Parent

  7 Copy quote

• I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Bisexual, Years, Homosexuality

  11 Copy quote

• It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Book, Tired, Wife

  9 Copy quote

• I have three kids, one of each.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Kids

  8 Copy quote

• On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Halloween, Humor

  9 Copy quote

• I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  11 Copy quote

• Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.190, Zondervan

  7 Copy quote

• When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt - for obvious reasons - that nothing in my life went right, and I realized that millions of people felt the same way. So when I first came
  back my catch phrase was "nothing goes right." Early on, that was my setup for a lot of jokes.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  People, Phrases, Way

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.96, Zondervan

  4 Copy quote

• My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Dog, Sex, Mirrors

  5 Copy quote

• My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Mother, Humor

  13 Copy quote

• I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  6 Copy quote

• Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Guy, Fortune Cookie, Cookies

  4 Copy quote

• I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny Relationship, Night, Phones

  9 Copy quote

• She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Dog, Ugly, Firsts

  8 Copy quote

• When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Age, Cases

  54 Copy quote

• When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Mother, Respect, Kids

  4 Copy quote

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