Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 7

Quotes about:

• I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Sunday

  10 Copy quote

• I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sexy, School, High School

  7 Copy quote

• I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Family, Witty

  105 Copy quote

• I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Real, Humor

  21 Copy quote

• You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Tonight, Pops, Our Family

  28 Copy quote

• With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Family, Running, Men

  16 Copy quote

• I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Believe, Hypochondriac

  12 Copy quote

• Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Elevators, Basements, Operators

  "Rodney Dangerfield's Famous One-Liners" by the Associated Press, www.foxnews.com. October 5, 2004.

  14 Copy quote

• I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Nice, Kissing, Giving

  18 Copy quote

• I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girl, Food

  6 Copy quote

• She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Echoes

  12 Copy quote

• I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Respect, Switzerland, No Respect

  4 Copy quote

• Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Blood, Comedy

  9 Copy quote

• When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Married, Found

  10 Copy quote

• You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Running, Care, Driving

  7 Copy quote

• Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Running, Witty

  34 Copy quote

• When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Mother, Names, Wife

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.168, Zondervan

  8 Copy quote

• I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Mother, Doctors, No Respect

  6 Copy quote

• People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon .

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Oil, People, Natural

  15 Copy quote

• I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Book, Making Love, Way

  8 Copy quote

• My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias. Well, only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with a bulls-eye on the back. I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Home, Mean, Kids

  39 Copy quote

• With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Marriage, Sex, Humorous

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.81, Zondervan

  11 Copy quote

• I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  People, Pet, Comedy

  11 Copy quote

• I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Freak

  8 Copy quote

• In high school, when I played football I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Football, School

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.31, Zondervan

  11 Copy quote

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