Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 7

Quotes about:

• My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Inspirational, Sexy, Home

  8 Copy quote

• I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Sunday

  10 Copy quote

• Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Size, Receipts

  12 Copy quote

• I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Real, Humor

  21 Copy quote

• With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Family, Running, Men

  16 Copy quote

• I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sexy, School, High School

  7 Copy quote

• I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Family, Witty

  105 Copy quote

• Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Elevators, Basements, Operators

  "Rodney Dangerfield's Famous One-Liners" by the Associated Press, www.foxnews.com. October 5, 2004.

  14 Copy quote

• I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Believe, Hypochondriac

  12 Copy quote

• I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sports, Fighting, Hockey

  67 Copy quote

• I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Nice, Kissing, Giving

  18 Copy quote

• I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girl, Food

  7 Copy quote

• I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Respect, Switzerland, No Respect

  4 Copy quote

• Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Drinking, Zombie, Bartending

  52 Copy quote

• She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Echoes

  12 Copy quote

• Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Blood, Comedy

  9 Copy quote

• Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Running, Witty

  34 Copy quote

• When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Married, Found

  10 Copy quote

• You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Running, Care, Driving

  7 Copy quote

• People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon .

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Oil, People, Natural

  15 Copy quote

• When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Mother, Names, Wife

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.168, Zondervan

  8 Copy quote

• I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Book, Making Love, Way

  8 Copy quote

• I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Mother, Doctors, No Respect

  6 Copy quote

• In high school, when I played football I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Football, School

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.31, Zondervan

  11 Copy quote

• I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  People, Pet, Comedy

  11 Copy quote

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